Being Humble: Action Steps to be More Humble
God, Life March 10th, 2008
If you missed it, jump back to Part 1 – Being Humble: What does that mean?
Now that we’ve explored what it means to be humble and some of the attributes to recognize a humble person, this article has some specific actions anyone can learn to be more humble.
Thank Others
Make sure you take every opportunity you have to thank others for what they do and what they help you with. People don’t accomplish anything on their own and it always takes help from others. Thank them for this help. Whether its your boss, spouse, friends, or stranger, thank others for whatever you can. Being humble in other’s eyes means you don’t claim your own accomplishments, and instead, thank others for how they helped, what they did, how they encouraged or supported you, etc. There are always things to thank others for. Find someone each day and thank them for something. That said, I want to thank each of YOU for reading and supporting this site, it wouldn’t exist without you!
Redirect Praise
Redirecting praise is useful to be more humble and modest. If you don’t accept praise outright and instead, redirect it to others who helped you, trained you or even allowed you to do something, you pass on that praise to others without taking the credit directly. Accepting praise doesn’t really make a person less humble, but down playing your significance or importance on something certainly makes you more humble. Knowing and sharing the fact that you were not the reason for some accomplishment goes a long ways in the eyes of others. This is especially important in work groups and it drastically reduces the risk of anyone thinking you take all the credit. If you deflect or redirect all praise and credit given you to others involved and truly believe the fact that you weren’t that significant, you further develop a humble attitude.
You Don’t Have to Be Right
A humble person never tries to out do someone else and make themselves look better or smarter. This includes having to be right. When you try to prove you are right, or even when you say something simple like “I know”, you are showing dominance over the other person. Instead of wanting to be right, even if you know something already, simple say, “Interesting, thanks for that.” A humble person knows only one thing, that they are NOT always right! If you have an idea to present or a solution to offer, don’t try to convince others that its the right solution. Say something like, “I have an suggestion, although I’m not sure its the right thing to do, since I’m often wrong, which is to [blah blah]…” Make an effort to being humble using these types of suggestions so you don’t come across to others as always having to be right.
It Wasn’t You Who Got You Here
People are constantly striving for success and they often feel very proud of themselves for getting to where they are at. Humble people are not proud and know that they didn’t get themselves here. They know that others helped them, encouraged them and assisted them to get to where they are now. If you recognize this and always see how others help you out, you can be more humble by sharing that fact and not taking credit yourself. This is similar to the first one on the list, where its important to thank others.
Don’t Be First
First is not necessarily a bad thing, however being first can come across as competitive, self promoting or demoting of others. None of those things are common for a humble person. In a group or workplace, if you don’t be first to speak, participate or get involved, you give others a chance to be first. This can be very humbling for several reasons. You may see that others have better or smarter ideas than you had in the first place, you’re not the only one capable of the task or message and that you aren’t necessarily needed as much as you would like to think you are. These are very humbling realizations so if want to learn to be more humble, next time you have a chance to be first, don’t!
Appreciate Everything
So many things around us are not our doing, we often forget to see our own insignificance since we get so focused on our own lives and accomplishments. Well to be humble, its importance to recognize and appreciate all the wonderful things around us. Appreciate the place you live, the health, wealth and happiness you experience or have opportunity for. Appreciating things adds greatly to a person’s humility and knowing that we have so much to be thankful for builds on many of the other items in this list. Look around in nature and at the beauty of life sometime and just take it in for a few moments. Think of the world and the awesome creation that God has provided you, and its impossible NOT to be humbled. Show this appreciation in your life and spirit and it will certainly help you be more humble.
Listen More Than You Speak
Similar to the item above, “Don’t Be First” it applies to listening in a more broad sense. Listening more than you speak can be very powerful and if you use this you can learn many things about others and practice humility in how you respond. It gives you time to think and provides time for others to share their own opinions. Listening more can be very respectful to others, and you can learn a lot more by listening to others than you can by speaking.
Don’t Judge Others
Last but not least, a very important aspect of being humble is to not judge others. Judgment is a dangerous thing and you can’t stay open minded, receptive to ideas, empathetic or appreciative of others if you are judging them or their ideas. Everyone is different and have different ideas and when you judge those, you are really showing that you have some overseeing significance or power to make a judgment call, which you certainly don’t if you want to be a humble person. So, to be more humble, practice leaving others to show themselves over time and to let their ideas play out without judgment. Definitely, make an effort not to express judgment and don’t talk about people behind their backs. This is just another form of judgment and shows dominance, so don’t judge others, and you will be more humble.
Better is a person of humble standing who nevertheless has a servant, than one who pretends to be somebody important yet has no food. Proverbs 12:9
I hope this list is helpful and that each of you can take some of these steps to being more humble. I know that writing and researching this has been a bit humbling for myself, since I know I don’t do all of these things. I obviously have my work cut out for me. My next and last article in this series is going to look at Being Humble: Why Bother?. I hope you will come back and read why I think being humble is important and what it is useful for. I’d love to hear any other tips and ideas you may have for this list of action steps to be more humble, if so, please comment them below!
Prev: Being Humble: What does that mean?
Next: Being Humble: Why Bother Learning to be Humble?
March 24th, 2008 at 1:31 AM
thank you, guy
April 4th, 2008 at 8:22 AM
I liked this article, but I disagree with two points.
“Don’t Be First” – it would be more accurate if you said “Don’t Compete To Be First”… there’s nothing wrong with being first, the problem comes when you start needing to be first.
“Don’t Judge” – You have to judge… if you don’t, you will have problems getting anywhere. What you need to do is avoid thinking that your judgment is set in stone, that it’s perfectly accurate, or that it has anything to do with their actual worth as a person. I may make a judgment that someone is untrustworthy… that judgment is, if accurate, extremely beneficial to me (it keeps me from trusting them with anything important). I am, however, still open to being proven wrong, and I know that my judgment is based on what I see from the outside… which is not necessarily an accurate reflection of the inside. I also know that a person’s worth is independent from my judgment… which can definitely keep you humble.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:18 AM
Thanks Jason. You are right on both points. These steps are ACTIONS to actually BE more humble. You will not BE more humble if you are still first in everything you do, whether you are competing for it or not. Others will NOT see you as humble if you are always first. So, I’m just suggesting that sometimes you need to not be first, whether you competed or intended to be or not, doesn’t really matter much!
And thanks for your insight on judging others. I think many people struggle with separating your judgements and how you actual treat others, like you have suggestion you do already. Good points!
April 4th, 2008 at 11:27 AM
I disagree with you on the being first thing… BEING first has nothing to do with being humble (nor does other people’s perceptions of you being humble, for that matter). You may simply be efficient. When it moves from simply being first because you happen to be first to STRIVING to be first, it’s a pretty sure sign that you have forgotten to be humble.
For example, I’m very fast at doing math in my head, and can often spit out an answer first… but I don’t think doing so makes me any better (or worse, for that matter). It’s simply a part of me like my brown hair. The fact that I’m first to answer a question doesn’t make me not humble, it just means I’m efficient at doing that.
At the point that I felt like it made me better to be first, or worse to not be first, then humbleness comes into play. As it is, though, it has nothing to do with it.
You lose sight of being humble when you either think you ARE better than someone else, or you do something to TRY to be better than someone else (or the opposite, try to see them as worse/make them worse)… if those aren’t your motives, then any action that you take has nothing to do with whether you are humble or not, regardless of how it appears from the outside.
April 4th, 2008 at 4:09 PM
Your last couple points are the key I think Jason. Its in your motives for this one, regardless of how it appears!
April 24th, 2008 at 1:15 PM
hey…. i really like ur article…. i think its great cause it helps out people like me that are really cocky…. i used to be humble but after i started winning a lot in my track competitions and became a state champion i got really cocky…. i dont like that and now i want to become a high position officer in my JROTC class and my problem is that i am cocky so people think i am just there for the high rank, which is not true…. well i want to thank you for writing this article…. it has helped me a lot… thank you… jason
April 24th, 2008 at 1:16 PM
hey… i just want to let you know that i am not the same jason as the one that doesnt agree with your article… i am another jason…. just letting you know so you dont think i disagree with your article.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:03 PM
hey jason, thanks for your comments, I’m glad you enjoyed the article. Its great to hear when these do help others!
The fact that you already know and are willing to admit the fact that you are often cocky shows a humble attitude. Keep that mindset and look for ways to bring the status of others up before yourself and you can definitely change back to your humble thoughts!!!
November 30th, 2008 at 3:41 AM
I like your article , but i am suffering of how to be humble .It was really hard ,because i often judge other and i cant control myself . Could you teach me how to be humble ?
November 30th, 2008 at 4:20 AM
It was really hard to be humble .I always cry and sad about how to be humble but even i have read how to be humble , i also cant .When people praise me , i always said no about what they praise but it doesnt work because when i thought myself suceed humble after people praise ,then i will be proud again .I hate myself , why i was so bad .I also cant accept others comment about me and i always tell God to help me but i still cannot . Ohhhhhhhhh i was so upset . I want to be happy but i cant .I felt worst and worst everyday .Every day , i proud and began to worst and worst .I always think about my goodness but i really dunno how to control it .I afraid to tell my mother and others about this .It was a shame .I also eat a lot of medicine to suicide because i felt i cant live .But even i tell God , but i still felt God doesnt help me .I was very afraid when i know i am proud .You are a humble man , please , could you teach me on how to be humble ?I always cannot control myself .I also judge my friend ,i always think their badness e.g always take away the thing i want , proud ,bad,always bad tempered and others .Ohhhhh how could i live in this world !I felt ashamed for this .Please help me and save me! I hope i can live in a happy ,humble and content live .You are my hope !Thanks for helping me !
November 30th, 2008 at 6:02 PM
Patricia, I’ve emailed you and will be happy to help however I can.
December 1st, 2008 at 1:10 AM
Oh ,thanks for e-mail me !I judge my friend in school .I just judge them but did not compared them to anyone .I know it is wrong but i cant control it but i did not apply judgement to myself .Oh ,can you also teach me how to dont accept praise , i donno how to overcome this .Thanks for your guide !
January 29th, 2009 at 10:56 PM
I really appreciate this type of information.I will follow these precepts,they make so much sense.thanx again…Asha:)
February 28th, 2009 at 5:04 AM
I’m happy that I open this site..thanks for this article…I hope I can apply this steps of yours..But I have a simple-but-perplexing question that I can’t decipher even it’s so easy.Its confusing me, please give me a quick response, if its alright? Is there a deeper meaning of this famous quotation “Don’t be so humble,You’re not that great” by Golda Meir? It is necessary to be great first before to be humble?..pls help me to clarify this puzzling thoughts of mine..THANKS a lot..
February 28th, 2009 at 6:47 AM
Well, I can’t say I fully understand that one actually. I would guess only that Meir is saying that being humble is even demonstrating a great trait, and so if you appear humble, then that itself is showing your greatness, which is exactly what humility is not! It’s an impossibility with that statement that I think would be the point, you really never can be absolutely and completely humble. Intriguing quote…
April 11th, 2009 at 9:18 AM
I have struggles with humility and pride for a long time. It’s been affecting my marriage and this article was helpful and i plan to follow these steps and get a mentor from church. God bless you and thank you for sharing.
April 11th, 2009 at 12:52 PM
Thanks for sharing Alyce! Recognizing and admitting the problem is the hardest part before change. You can absolutely change your thinking and your actions to be more humble, its a learned behavior. I’ve glad the article has helped you and don’t hesitate to ask if I can help in any other way.
May 17th, 2009 at 1:02 PM
Hello, I have something to say. Ok, so in your article you say not to judge right? Well, I see a part of your article that is conderdicting, about judging right? Ok, so, what gives other people the right to judge whether or not someone is humble or not? That is for God and ONLY God to judge!!! So, according to you and this article, the whole world isn’t humble because they are too busy judging whether or not someone else is or is not humble. So, everyone in this world has a problem with judging so that would technically mean that no one is humble!!! If they are going to sit there and try to judge whether or not someone else is humble, then they are far from being humble themselves, am I making any bit of sense to you? Because it all makes a lot of sense to me.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:18 AM
Baby Doll. I have no idea where you read what you stated. I never said you have the right to judge whether others are humble or not. The article lists ways to be more humble and recommends not judging others, that’s about it, nothing contradicting.
Humility is not an absolute either. Can you be humble, sure. That doesn’t mean you are the perfect example of perfect humility. I think its all relative when you really look at it.
August 27th, 2009 at 6:22 PM
I agree with some points on here-
When someone cannot humbly accept praise though -and downplays their abilities to seem “Humble” (like is common in Japanese culture and upbringing) that is false humility. Over the years I found others to think it annoying when you cannot accept a compliment from them. If someone else was indeed involved, it’s good to simply say “Thank you sooo much! My friend ‘so and so’ was a big part of helping, I couldnt have done it without them” which sounds so much more positive than ” oh, I couldve done better” or putting one’s self down; that’s not humility but false piety or lack of confidence.
I’m starting to realize confidence is more important- when you become truly confident (but not brazen), you can be truly humble- although no one is perfect-
Also to reiterate what another person wrote here- being first isn’t always BAD- it’s bad if you feel the need to always be first- but if you somehow do become first for something, accepting it with tons of gratitude is the best I think.
I also wonder how to become more humble when faced with someone you care about- and their behaviors are hurtful to you, also about being humble when the work you do (being an artist) is something you need to promote-but do not want to appear as “showing off” but merely trying to make a living by sharing what you do.
Humility in relationships is difficult too- if one person is so humble to the point it makes the other person feel almost guilty in some way for not being as humble, but with more boldness. I do know, when saying something that isn’t humble- my heart immediately knows it afterwards and creates a guilt- self hating pain inside. If someone wasnt humble at all, they wouldve even care – I think.
Yes, perhaps it is all relative to the person, situation, and occurance! 🙂
August 27th, 2009 at 10:12 PM
Great points here Miss Birdie. There is definitely that “image” or “false” humility often displayed because people have learned that is good or useful, like the culture you describe. That is just a show though, not in the person’s heart at all so its not humility really. Humility is way of the mind and soul, not just what you say or display. I also don’t perceive humility to be hard in relationship, what makes it hard is that people (even in close relationship) are often competing, either for love, praise, attention, recognition, something. This competitive drives the ego and selfishness, instead of humility. If you offer those things to another, don’t build yourself up or expect all of your actions to receive the same, its can’t hurt the relationship. Guilt comes about from things that are done in error, not from missing something, that is jealousy. And trust me, jealousy is not typically existing towards a humble person, its usually founded in possessions, looks, status and other “temporary” things. I hope this helps give some more things to think about, you have definitely done that more me now as well. Perhaps this is a topic I will write about again soon. So, thanks for the comment!
August 29th, 2009 at 8:31 PM
… thanks for this article, i really helped a lot..
i am just wondering what to do if others start to abuse you with this type of personality..
i have another problem… i have a friend who pretends to be humble but unknowingly just trying to pull someone down.. like when he unconsciously judge and talk degrading things to other then suddenly pretends to humble himself….
September 10th, 2009 at 5:18 AM
Oh..
Thank you for this site i can do my assignment now because i need to make album for being humble
Thank You!
September 20th, 2009 at 10:43 AM
I know they are old posts, but I do agree with Jason’s first two disagreements; it is ok to be first as long as there is not a ‘desperate’ need to be first.
More importantly, yes, you can and should judge. Silently. To yourself. This is what develops our morals, and who we decide to be, but judging others around us. Not comparing, judging, and then applying to our own lives; in our own ‘heads’, without sharing with anyone else.
March 4th, 2010 at 4:24 AM
This site has been everything I’ve been looking for. Lately, I’ve lost sight of what’s important and others have suffered from my wrath. I definaltely needed a huge slice of “humble pie.” Thank you!
April 19th, 2010 at 12:30 PM
God has placed in my heart a strong desire be humble. I googled and found a few sites but they lacked reference to God. I went to the washroom (smile) and said “God, I gotta find out about this humble stuff from someone who knows how to do this first stems from you.” I am thankful to have found your site. Thank you for also sharing that you too continue working on being humble.
May 26th, 2010 at 8:58 PM
Thanks for the information you shared in this article Mike. I’ve been struggling with pride for a long time but did not know it. I disguised it by saying that I’m a really honest person and was helping people by pointing out their flaws and a whole lot of other rubbish. Now that God has called me to ministry I really see the lack of humility in me and I no longer like being this person. God cant use me effectively if I am proud; nor will I succeed in doing His will because if I exalt myself he WILL humble me. So now that God has finally got my attention I will study his word, pray for deliverance from pride and apply the principles that you suggested. Will keep you posted. Thanks again Mike. Desiree
June 1st, 2010 at 3:11 PM
no offense but i kinda disagree withthe praising ppl thing the bible says praise no man other than God our father so when u say praise ppl it’s wrong you could thank them but not praise them.
June 1st, 2010 at 3:21 PM
if u wanna see check these verses malachi 2:2, revalaitions 4:11, 5:12-13, 7:12. the catholic religion breaks God’s law by praying to mary and other, they break the secong commandment exodus 20:4-5.
June 1st, 2010 at 10:27 PM
There are always a lot of comments and critics to an article such as this and its typical to want to defend oneself as well. I guess overall as with any blogger, you write what is on your mind and sometimes people misinterpret that or take it to another extreme.
With that in mind, knolly, I do not mean to take praise to a level of false idols or praying to Mary instead of Jesus. I simply mean to express appreciation to people for good things done. That kind of praise, its not intended as you took it at all. Thanks for the references and to keep me on my toes with the words I choose!
June 2nd, 2010 at 7:37 AM
Non judgement is the most difficult for me, and I constantly find that I have to catch myself and prevent me from doing this dastardly thing. At least being aware of and able to arrest the urge to judge makes for a big step in a positive direction. Thank goodness for that.
August 8th, 2010 at 11:59 AM
AMAZING; 2008 article and am reading it now; God bless you mike; am humbled you took your precious time to educate me. I thank you. Keep posting more.
September 8th, 2010 at 10:27 AM
Thank you for the article – I’ve really gained more insight about humility. I used to be really proud because of many achievements I obtained in the past, but now as I look back and reflect, I’m really more humble than before, though many times I still fall into the trap of pride. I can identify with all the steps that you wrote to being humble, but unfortunately I learnt them the hard way – God put me through many painful situations to humble me, never got through them easy but today I’m really glad He did.
November 17th, 2010 at 5:03 AM
Hi Mike,
Thank you for the article. Good action steps and good answers to the comments.
I am attempting to be more humble. I think it takes many years for some such as myself. I have found, it is a much more peaceful life not only for myself but those around me whom I do not trigger ill feelings in them.
At first I was proud of some of the actions such as redirecting credit or not speaking first, listening more. However, that was not humble in itself. Now some of the actions come naturally and I do not fight or think about it, just do it. It looks like we have gone to an extreme pride in the US, I think we will see some movement towards humble and non-materialistic or minimalist lifestyles in decades to come, as the pendulum swings back.
If one person reads an article like this and takes action, it affects many people who are around this person for a lifetime. This is how important one article can be, your actions in writing affect more people than can be imagined for more years than can be imagined.
Thanks for putting it out there.
November 24th, 2010 at 4:33 AM
thanks alot mike . you have totaly given me the solution to my problem and i pray dat HE will give you the grace to solve more problems…………..thanks again..
November 27th, 2010 at 9:43 AM
Thank you
December 25th, 2010 at 5:02 PM
This article is very helpful for me and for others who seek for the betterment of their attitude (including me).”Having a humility” is not that easy especially if your nature doesn’t have this kind of attitude. More likely in my case and it was too painful whenever someone (family, friends, et. al) says “you’re boastful” (I always been praised by these words since childhood and in my 18 years of age I’m now so tired being heard those words 🙁 ). Anyway enough for drama 🙂 I will just do the right way on how to become humble and for the consequence… be a better person 🙂 My God bless us all 🙂 anyway thanks for the wonderful article 🙂
February 16th, 2011 at 10:24 PM
I agree..None of us have the right to judge only the man upstairs can do that..we all may have our opinions that we are entitled to but thats just opinions and not facts..being humble is about admitting your flaws and knowing that you arent perfect and that we are all one in the same..
April 15th, 2011 at 12:44 AM
thanks a lot. sometime you get answers of totally different topic, while you are doing something else. just got it. felt good to see myself going down as i was reading your words. i needed that.
thanks again.
April 24th, 2011 at 4:18 PM
This artical is great! I have a lot to do to work on being humble and over all a better person. My attitude I guess has ruined a few relationships and i definitely want to change that. I will for sure look back at this artical as much needed.
June 23rd, 2011 at 4:21 AM
Mike,
Your recommendation link to the Mind Warrior was disappointing. The Mind Warrior’s recommendations were thin and superficial. Like, “go buy something”, or “talk more about yourself, brag” or “find a confident person and act like them”. I look to you for more substance than temporary, quick, short lived fixes. To have that website linked back to your blog/article about humility was difficult to appreciate.
You and I know that we don’t increase our confidence by feeding our appetites. We build confidence by service to others. We find value in serving. Value, character, and integrity bring confidence and purpose. Setting improvement goals and finding the intestinal fortitude to sacrefice for those goals brings confidence. The Mind Warrior appears to be one of the most narcissistic blogs I’ve encounter. Please consider disassociation.
However, I have enjoyed your work. It has been of value; helping me improve and gain confidence. I look forward to learning more about you and sharing your site with others.
June 23rd, 2011 at 6:50 AM
Everyone has had tremendous feedback and comments here and really do appreciate it all. Humility is a tough subject to teach or write about and unfortunately, sometimes to learn to do something you do have to fake it a bit to see the real value of it and to simply ‘experience’ it even if not legitimate until after experiencing it. Humility is a bit like that. If you haven’t had a rough time with some negative experience making a ego lifestyle a big problem, it is hard to recognize the value of humility. Practicing it though, changes that and you start to see subtle shifts and changes in how you can interact with people and how people see you. It has a big impact and like several people comment, starting with some of these makes a big influence then on others, definitely!
@Dale, Interest point about the recommended links. As much as I’d love to control every link, sometimes blog promotion comes down to automated plugins and this is a reason for this link, its a plugin link that provides links to similar sites with similar content. While it may not be a perfect fit for this article on humility, its related content and a way to expand my site and find new visitors, which is always a good thing when it comes to exposure. Thanks for the comments on this though about the shallow aspect of this compared to my writing and article content, its an honor to see your concern about that, so thanks!!!
June 23rd, 2011 at 7:53 AM
I guess it may be simply semantics.
I could accept “practicing” before understanding full value. Faking is something that we all have our antennas set up to detect before we are injured or taken advantage of. We’re looking to avoid the fake and ingenuous.
In Prayer by Philip Yancey, Philip writes about praying even when you don’t feel like praying. He claims value/benefit for the effort or practice even before we feel the spirituality of the moment. Later, we may see the cloudy window lifted and the benefit apparent. Right now, just do it, humble yourself, because you anticipate value and you know arrogance has gotten you nowhere.
Pride comes before a fall. Look at Wall Street. Nearly took a world to it’s financial knees. The earth still vibrates with the aftershock.
June 29th, 2011 at 9:48 AM
thank you for the very nice article… interesting
January 20th, 2012 at 9:36 PM
This is good for my self help in becoming a better person. I am tired and beat up by my own weak mind.
February 3rd, 2012 at 5:44 PM
Thank you for this article!I’d like to add a thought from the perspective of someone struggling with social anxiety/phobia. I’m trying to recreate myself to be more self-confident while being less self-centered. I am by no means an expert, but after reading a lot on the subject I’ve come to think that when low self-esteem (i.e. judging yourself negatively) leads to self-consciousness (i.e. thinking that others are judging you negatively), it may feel like being humble because you think lowly of yourself, but it is actually a form of pride because you are so preoccupied with your own self-image. This suggests that true humility means to put less energy into what others are thinking of you (or even what you are thinking of you) and more energy into thinking about others. So being self-centered stems from low self-confidence and being others-centered comes from higher self-confidence. This would mean that narcissists and wall-flowers are both proud, they just have different ways of expressing it. So I would suggest that maybe part of becoming humble (and happy)is to develop your self-confidence to the point where you no longer feel insecure or deficient and therefore no longer need to constantly focus on yourself. Does this make any sense? Thanks for bearing with me. And thank you, Mike, for addressing this colossal topic!
February 4th, 2012 at 7:45 AM
@lori, great perspective you’ve added here. I definitely agree that self-confident and “awareness” of that is important to be humble and place others more importantly than yourself. Interesting indeed where you say, feelings of insecure or deficient thoughts lead a person to focus on themselves and building themselves up. So true…
February 6th, 2012 at 12:43 PM
I agree, not confusing at all. But it does go against the popular top-down approach commonly practiced in management studies and literature.
February 21st, 2012 at 4:03 AM
God Is The Judge. He is full Of Justice. He is fair and right! He says not too judge for You will be Judged. I agree with this artical.judging others especially if you don’t know that person is wrong. For Vegangance Is Mine the Lord says. None has No right too judge others for We ourselves sin. And God instructs Us not too judge. Pray for those who mistreat you. Love Your neighbor.Love Your enemies! This is God’s perfect law. Like Mary Magdalene she was a prostitute and people were gonna stone her. But Jesus said whoever is sinless cast the first stone. And everyone walked away except for Jesus Christ!!!
February 27th, 2012 at 9:27 AM
i like your article . may i ask a specific question.If someone praises you saying you look very young. After a thank you, is it polite to say your actual age which is not young at all. Or is it just self praise. Also how to respond politely if someone is taking advantage of your kindness. Example you are generous and helpful giving stuff and lending things but there comes a time when things are not returned or broken or people overstepping like expecting something from you every holiday season.How do you respond. Forgive and move on with the friendship but if it continues ?
February 27th, 2012 at 9:37 PM
THanks Sasha, you’ve added some great comments and discussion points. They are not always straight forward to answer since circumstance changes each situation. Compliments I will say have one good answer and that is “Thank you”. Don’t try to dismiss it, change the comment, be defensive, or brag in any way saying your age to impress.
People taking advantage of you can only really be handled by learn to say no. Read more here.
As to lending stuff, keep the generous spirit you have, it is good to give. Give with a hope to have things returned, but it you don’t expect it, you can let it go more easily if broken or not returned. If its intentional, then that’s a different conversation to have. Reminders and simply asking for items back before they are lost or damaged might help you keep more control of stuff that gets lost or broken otherwise. Being a good steward of belongings is not just to keep it in good condition but to also let it be enjoyed by many so hopefully you can find a way to balance lending and sharing stuff with keeping it in good condition. Maybe the value and importance of its condition needs to be shared before you lend something out? Its a bit off topic from being humble and I think the humility of lending can only really be realized if you lend with no expectation (in your mind) of getting it back in the same condition.
March 16th, 2012 at 6:31 AM
Something I did not realise I went away from. Because of my insecurities I come across as something I dont want to be. I didnt realise I was trying to hide my insecurities and basically come across as arrogant. My biggest problem is that I fear been critisized as I used to think I always used to be and still do think it. But it’s most likely all in my head. Just my insecurity and lack of confidence in ability due to the thought that people are always going to critisize me, hurt me, laugh at me. I tried so hard to be a confident, social and person who people wanted to be around that I became basically arrogant. When I should realise I dont need to be like that. I’m me for a reason and there are people who want to be around you for who you are. You don’t realise just what you can lose in life when you lose track of who you are. Trying too hard to fit in or be someone else when in actual fact you’re pushing others even futher away. I bring this to attention because I know I wouldn’t be the only one. And want to get a point across so much that you should only ever be who you are. No matter what people say about you, never forget you are great and you are unique in your own ways, we all are. Never lose faith of who you are and don’t try to be someone youre not. Always try to be thankful, appreciative of everything, realise you don’t always have to be right, have the last say and you don’t need to be judgemental of others. Believe in yourself and who you are. We are all human. We are all the same. What makes each of us special is that we all have our own unique ways. Be grateful of who you are.
March 30th, 2012 at 8:32 AM
Thank you for sharing this information. I’ve been reading ! Peter 5 (the 1st 9 verses) and coupling it with the tips in this article will really help me to continue the path to being a great leader. I’ve also shared it with several others that I work with.
ENJOY LIFE!
May 10th, 2012 at 10:22 AM
Hi Mike,
I am thankful to you from the bottom of my heart!!! I could able to reach certain heights in my life because of many many people but, some time or most of the time….recently, I am getting into lot of troubles after the simple conversation with others. Now, I could able to realize that it is purely my mistake that I was dominating the others and need to change my attitude. Hence, I gave a search in the google that “how to become humble” tips. I am so happy that I could able to get your nice suggestions. Great work and thank you so much…
June 9th, 2012 at 12:51 AM
Hi Mike,Thank you for sharing your knowlege to those who realized that being humble is one of the fundamental nature to be happy. I’m also a humble person and all that you mensioned in your writing is true to me because i was once proud at heart when i was a kid. But knowing that humility will help me i had tried my best to be humble and most of what you said was what i did. i would like to share one experience that had helped me to be more humble. This is not a good example but i wish to share it because it had changed my life. In high school I was a very quiet and smart student.My friends and teachers knew that. But deep inside, i was hiding great pride within my self because of my class achievements and my capabilities. I felt that i need to eliminate this pride therefore i wished not to gain first place in any of my courses although passing my exams. On the graduation ceremony, i went and congradulate all my friends that had beat me in the exam. It was very difficult to do it, but as i Shake their hands i felt that my pride has just left me. And that is a great joy for me. From this experience i belief that people can be more humble if they can praise or encourage others, especially those that compete against them. Now i would say that, never compete against anyone in any activity, but try your best to perform up to your capabilities while appriciating others that you work or study with. In this case you may have victory not with pride but with a humble heart.
June 9th, 2012 at 5:28 PM
Great story Desmond, it is a wise lesson to learn to compete with yourself, instead of against others. I’ve had similar lessons in how competitive I used to be with others. I’m still very competitive with myself, but some humility keeps that internal, and at times others who are still competitive against other people, can still easily draw those habits back out of me. With time, it gets easier to control though… Thanks for sharing your points!!
June 12th, 2012 at 4:11 AM
Hi Mike, Thank you for this great article. Its amazing that you wrote it 4 years ago! Humilityhas always been difficult for me and until recently i did not realize how arrogant i really was. But i have come to also realize that it stems from a deep seeded need to protect myself and from extreme low self esteem. I am at the point that I may have lost my marriage and realize that I have never truly loved my husband but have always considered myself better than him. I hope that i can rectify things, but am leaving it in the Lord’s hands for now.
Are there any books or reading material that you would recommend? My greatest worry is that my bad attitude will rub off on my kids as well.
June 13th, 2012 at 8:05 PM
The best book and one that is actually quite deep and in the Christian base, is Humility: True Greatness by Mahaney. It’s an excellent read but not an easy to digest book. I’ve found some books that look at the lives of some great service leaders to be also very inspiring in the sense of life learning and humility. One such book I’ve enjoyed is: The Irresistible Revolution. I hope those give you a starting point.
September 7th, 2012 at 5:12 PM
Thanks for this article – it has helped me to understand a few things better. For example, I read ‘Don’t be first’ as “Try to let somebody else go ahead of you.” E.g., allow someone else to be the first in line – even if you are there first – just as a courtesy to them.
I definitely disagree with you about not letting someone know that you already ‘know’ something – and I don’t think that I would come across as not being humble by saying so. If I already know something, I want to politely let that person know that I’m aware of it, but can add, “Here’s what I’m not sure about. Can you please explain this to me?” I also don’t want someone letting me go on and on about something they already know – this is both a waste of my time and theirs. It’s more productive for both parties to let the other know what they DON’T know so each can learn from the other.
I read that famous quote by Golda Meir, “Don’t be so humble, You’re not that great,” as meaning, “Don’t have false humility – because this, too (paradoxically), is a form of pride.” I’ll give you an example: I once met a woman and mentioned to her that I had written and published a book (not from bragging, but because it was related to our discussion). A few days later, I discovered that she, too, had also written and published a book. When I discovered this, I was not the least bit impressed by her not revealing this information to me. In fact, I experienced quite the opposite feeling towards her. I thought that she had ‘false humility’ by not revealing this information to me. This revelation could have enriched our conversation on that day, I could have picked her brain and we could have shared so much more.
One last point – it seems to me that many folks who have left messages here may have difficulty with distinguishing ‘judging’ from ‘observing.’ For example, if someone is behaving rudely or obnoxiously towards me, I can ‘observe’ that this is happening. I can say to my friend, “That woman is really being rude and haughty towards me.” (That’s not judging – it’s an observation.) But then I can go on to say, “Look at all the tattoos on her body – she must be a drug addict and a whore.” (That is now judging.)
Thank you for letting me post here, and take care.
September 8th, 2012 at 8:01 AM
Elizabeth, great points and comments here on this list. You are right about telling someone what you ‘know’. It can be said in a way that is more humble, without having to hide it. The phrase, “Oh, I know” is used far to often and typically is discounts what the other person in the conversation is adding, and often used when someone explains their feelings, which you can never really know, only relate to it. Good points you’ve made though, its all in how you say it!
Excellent aspect on judging and observing, that is very true there is a distinct difference and its how you form an opinion or not, around the comments that really differentiates them. THanks!
September 20th, 2012 at 10:05 AM
Hi, Mike thanks sharing with us the quality of humility. I once heard a homily about Values. And the priest said “Values are caught not taught”. That has stuck with me for many years. You must live the value in order to teach it. Which brings me now to the soul of us all. How do we receive humility in our soul? My answer Prayer.
If you want the gift of humility you must pray for it. Because it is a gift of the spiritual world which belongs to God and we must ask for humility thru prayer.
What prayer people may ask? Try the Rosary, the Psalms or simply the Our Father.
Your success will be then according to the will of God.
October 17th, 2012 at 12:11 PM
Hello, I realized that my pride was doing more damage than good. So through the AA/NA program I was taught that I myself had to see myself for who I was & am. When I finally opened my eye to the truth about myself and my actions, I realized that I was an UGLY person, not only to others but to myself. I was only doing harm to me. I was the one carring all this hate and anger, I was the one consumed in rage. I was killing myself not realizing it. I learned a hard lesson, but I had to let go of my pride and humble myself. It not easy, but when I am wrong I admit it, when I do something dumb, I apologize. I Give God Thanks for opening my eyes & heart and mind..
October 24th, 2012 at 3:56 PM
Reading this is so painful.
I think that every point in your list is a working point for me.
I don’t want to change these things, but I know that I have to.
I hate it that I was humble a long time ago but that I changed to who I am today.
I don’t know where to start. But I’ll try to start with learning to listen en to be more open to others.
Thank you so much for this list.
I hope that one day, I can say “yes, I do this” to every point on this list.
January 1st, 2013 at 9:36 PM
Thank You very much i learned alot and i will apply it to myself i was humbly simple person came here in state seems i changed a little bit
wanted to be back where i was, its true and being humble and silents are very powerful my family and friends and classmate they do always appreciate me and described me number 1 being humble i would like to Thank you and More power for this website, thanks for the tips
April 12th, 2013 at 4:29 PM
I enjoy praising others and say thank you etc. I have been humble and listen to others much more than I speak but always this is taken as low self esteem low confidence!! I listen and respect others tremendously but I get used up and feel like a sponge getting squished out of energy getting not getting much back. Maybe I need to surround myself with more humble people. The more humble I get the more I feel low confidence and low self esteem!!! people love to take advantage of other people!
April 13th, 2013 at 9:27 PM
Ashraf, So many people confuse being humble with being quiet, resolved or taken advantage of. It isn’t that at all. Its thinking of others before yourself and doing what is GOOD for them instead of good for you, it doesn’t mean giving in to everything they ask at your expense, how is that good for them? You can think of others and still make a decision that isn’t giving in or taken advantage of. Listening well also does not mean never sharing your own stories or perspective, its just that a humble person would share when it adds to the conversion, relationship or helps another person, instead of boasting and building themselves up for their own purposes.
April 23rd, 2013 at 5:43 AM
I am a Catholic woman, bery interested in being more modest. My other issue is finding ways to become closer with the Holy Spirit. I know that He was sent here to guide me. To help me to abide in His love; in every and any situation.