Comments on: Difficult Conversations: How to Avoid Being Defensive http://LearnThis.ca/2008/10/difficult-conversations-how-to-avoid-being-defensive/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=difficult-conversations-how-to-avoid-being-defensive A personal development site for self learning career, leadership and life improvement tips. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:44:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Mike King http://LearnThis.ca/2008/10/difficult-conversations-how-to-avoid-being-defensive/#comment-67050 Mike King Thu, 22 Dec 2011 15:09:53 +0000 http://LearnThis.ca/?p=592#comment-67050 This is a LOT more common than you might think, especially around Christmas. We often get trapped into the idea of gifts being so important at Christmas and quickly forgot that Christmas was a gift for us, the best thing to do is to accept that graceful gift from God and return the spirit of Christmas by give to others without expectation. Doing so, will allow you to give the gifts you already have and help him accept them without feeling guilty or bad about not getting you something in return (if that is the case). If (or when) the conversation does come up instead of expecting any gift as an object in return, tell him what seems obvious to me from your comment, that some time spent with him is the best gift he can offer you and he certainly doesn't need to have time to get to the store or do any shopping for that. A simple promise or commitment about a future time where he will spend it with you that otherwise might have been lost doing other things is likely one of the best gifts you can receive. This is a LOT more common than you might think, especially around Christmas. We often get trapped into the idea of gifts being so important at Christmas and quickly forgot that Christmas was a gift for us, the best thing to do is to accept that graceful gift from God and return the spirit of Christmas by give to others without expectation. Doing so, will allow you to give the gifts you already have and help him accept them without feeling guilty or bad about not getting you something in return (if that is the case). If (or when) the conversation does come up instead of expecting any gift as an object in return, tell him what seems obvious to me from your comment, that some time spent with him is the best gift he can offer you and he certainly doesn’t need to have time to get to the store or do any shopping for that. A simple promise or commitment about a future time where he will spend it with you that otherwise might have been lost doing other things is likely one of the best gifts you can receive.

]]> By: Kathy http://LearnThis.ca/2008/10/difficult-conversations-how-to-avoid-being-defensive/#comment-66975 Kathy Wed, 21 Dec 2011 18:53:31 +0000 http://LearnThis.ca/?p=592#comment-66975 My husband has been out of town a lot the past few months working on repairs at our vacation home in the mountains. I know he has been very busy and I appreciate that he is helping the contractor with the repairs to help keep cost down. He was home for a couple of days this past weekend and we were busy with a family Christmas brunch and errands and such. He left again yesterday morning and I will meet up with him tomorrow. He left me a voice mail yesterday morning at work asking me to do a couple of favors for him before I head up tothe mountains on Thursday (I'm fine with that)what bothered me was that the voice mail also said that If I haven't already do not get him any Christmas presents, stocking stuffers, no present from the Dog (which we usually always give each other a gift from the dog), etc. He said that he did not have time to go shopping and get me a gift so he does not want to open gifts while I have nothing. I realize he is very busy, so am I, I work full time and a part time job, and have been busy getting ready for my Mom to visit over the Holidays (both our regular home and vacation home) and still managed to make time to get him some gifts, both from myself and the dog. This is very hurtful to me, I feel that this action is saying that I am not important enought to make time for. I don't expect anything fancy, expensive, elaborate, just something nice enought to say thank you, I love you and appreciate you. Any advise on how I should handle this or bring this up when I see him tomorrow? My husband has been out of town a lot the past few months working on repairs at our vacation home in the mountains. I know he has been very busy and I appreciate that he is helping the contractor with the repairs to help keep cost down. He was home for a couple of days this past weekend and we were busy with a family Christmas brunch and errands and such. He left again yesterday morning and I will meet up with him tomorrow. He left me a voice mail yesterday morning at work asking me to do a couple of favors for him before I head up tothe mountains on Thursday (I’m fine with that)what bothered me was that the voice mail also said that If I haven’t already do not get him any Christmas presents, stocking stuffers, no present from the Dog (which we usually always give each other a gift from the dog), etc. He said that he did not have time to go shopping and get me a gift so he does not want to open gifts while I have nothing. I realize he is very busy, so am I, I work full time and a part time job, and have been busy getting ready for my Mom to visit over the Holidays (both our regular home and vacation home) and still managed to make time to get him some gifts, both from myself and the dog. This is very hurtful to me, I feel that this action is saying that I am not important enought to make time for. I don’t expect anything fancy, expensive, elaborate, just something nice enought to say thank you, I love you and appreciate you. Any advise on how I should handle this or bring this up when I see him tomorrow?

]]> By: Juliet http://LearnThis.ca/2008/10/difficult-conversations-how-to-avoid-being-defensive/#comment-5821 Juliet Sun, 26 Oct 2008 09:36:12 +0000 http://LearnThis.ca/?p=592#comment-5821 Hi Mike Thank you for the e-mail. Much appreciated! Had a look at your articles on e-mails. Think they are great! Part one should be printed out and pasted up in the office ;) Juliet Hi Mike
Thank you for the e-mail. Much appreciated!
Had a look at your articles on e-mails. Think they are great!
Part one should be printed out and pasted up in the office ;)
Juliet

]]> By: Mike King http://LearnThis.ca/2008/10/difficult-conversations-how-to-avoid-being-defensive/#comment-5815 Mike King Sat, 25 Oct 2008 04:05:48 +0000 http://LearnThis.ca/?p=592#comment-5815 You are so right Juliet! I didn't think of mentioning how this might apply with e-mail but many points here do. I have some old articles on using email more effectively you might find useful here. Thanks for sharing.. http://learnthis.ca/2007/10/email_rules_part1/ http://learnthis.ca/2007/10/email_rules_part2/ You are so right Juliet! I didn’t think of mentioning how this might apply with e-mail but many points here do. I have some old articles on using email more effectively you might find useful here. Thanks for sharing..

http://learnthis.ca/2007/10/email_rules_part1/
http://learnthis.ca/2007/10/email_rules_part2/

]]> By: Juliet http://LearnThis.ca/2008/10/difficult-conversations-how-to-avoid-being-defensive/#comment-5812 Juliet Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:57:16 +0000 http://LearnThis.ca/?p=592#comment-5812 Hi Thank you for the tips. Even relevant for one of the most common forms of ¨conversation¨ these days: email. Even there one needs to follow these guidelines. It is so easy to bat off a sharp reply to an aggravating email. And it doesnt take much for an email to sound angry (even if the writer has no intention of it) Emails can end up back and forth as the situation worsens and both parties are getting the incorrect message. With email you miss out on lots of the non-verbal clues (as well as voice) Juliet Hi
Thank you for the tips. Even relevant for one of the most common forms of ¨conversation¨ these days: email. Even there one needs to follow these guidelines. It is so easy to bat off a sharp reply to an aggravating email. And it doesnt take much for an email to sound angry (even if the writer has no intention of it)
Emails can end up back and forth as the situation worsens and both parties are getting the incorrect message. With email you miss out on lots of the non-verbal clues (as well as voice)
Juliet

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