Forgiveness is never as easy as it seems and there are unfortunately a lot of false forgiveness going on in this world. People know the value of forgiving someone, so often the process that is learned to forgive someone is practiced but the heart behind that forgiveness is not yet there so it’s a fake. Forgiveness goes much much deeper than the words you say or actions you take.
Your heart and soul must be engaged for true forgiveness, not just your actions.
Trapped in the Past
The need for forgiveness always stems from some moral wrongdoing, harm caused to self and others or some situation that leads a person feeling victimized. Each of these leave reminders and memories in our lives about our past and locks us into a cycle of guilt, doubt, and pain. Getting out of this cycle and looking at what true forgiveness really entails is so important. It’s tough to do though, since true forgiveness is very difficult.
Victimization is a huge roadblock for many things in life and certainly, its connected to forgiveness and nearly always the reason preventing true forgiveness from happening. These victim scenarios are held fast in our minds and to forgive, we must let them go and look to move on from that situation or hurt associated with it. The pain is real and should not be suppressed, it should be dealt with and faced instead. Victimization keeps reviving those feelings and locks us in to continual feelings of guilt, shame and anger. Release those feelings of resentment and look forward to future intentions.
Often apologies and the age old response of “I forgive you” are treated as the steps to forgiveness and while those actions can be helpful in the process of forgiveness, they are not enough themselves. Forgiveness is a process, not a single event and it goes much deeper than what you say or reveal to others.
Often forgiveness is pushed to the surface for others to see where there is still resentment inside. This is not forgiveness, it’s tolerance and it does nothing to get by the internal pain of the wrong doing. True forgiveness takes that so much deeper and turns the wrong doing around by acceptance of it and understanding of it. This certainly doesn’t mean you agree with it or are not hurt by it, but it does mean you fully accept the actions, the pain and can let it go so you are no longer trapped by the hurtful act.
Acceptance comes from within when forgiving actions and it requires one to find acceptance within your own beliefs, understanding and experience. You cannot repeatedly stumble or dwell on a problem and have truly forgiven it. They just can’t coexist. To forgive, is to accept and to move on.
There is Always Love in Forgiveness
I can’t write about forgiveness without including love. Love is the foundation of true forgiveness and must be present. Love is far more powerful than anger and hatred and is exactly why it enables forgiveness to happen. Love prevails. Love endures.
Love when it comes to forgiveness is about the love of others and love of self necessary to bring true acceptance, repentance for wrong doings and even the hope to look only for future intentions. Self love battles the victimization and can lead a person from shame or pity from a hurtful act to forgive themselves, learn from those actions and use it to serve others and the future.
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