100 Ways to Improve Your Relationships
Relationships May 10th, 2010
Relationships are not easy but they are absolutely worth every ounce of effort you put into them. They are the most rewarding area of life and the one thing that lasts despite all other things. With the fun I’ve had in writing several 100 lists and my recently released ebook on “Building Better Relationships“, I knew the next 100 list would have to be about relationships. My ebook is about relationships in general and doesn’t get into romantic relationships, so neither does this list. These items can be used to improve any relationship and there easily 100 more things that would be more specific to romantic relationship, which I have not going into. So here it is: 100 ways to improve your relationships!
- Make breakfast for someone in bed
- Send someone a hand written thank you note for something they did
- Leave a message or note telling someone what you appreciate about them
- Make time commitments that are realistic and possible
- Ensure you do everything you can to meet your commitments
- Don’t take promises lightly, be honest and keep them
- Turn the TV off and have a real conversation
- Upgrade your communication style
- Talk about what you both want out of a relationships
- Find a chore you can do with another person
- Offer to do a regular activity together
- Buy groceries together
- Go Shopping together
- Organize a meal out with someone for friends
- Go camping together
- Take a road trip together
- Have a staring contest
- Have a picnic together
- Schedule 10 minutes everyday to talk (with NO distractions)
- Be spontaneous and energetic
- Spend time researching great relationships
- Learn from relationship masters
- Read biographies of great relationship builders
- Buy and read books on relationships
- Put your relationship time BEFORE work, overtime or chores
- Buy and gift a simple gift that reminds you of that person
- Keep in touch with friends at least monthly even when living afar
- Actually phone in person your facebook friends
- Limit your online friends lists to those you want to be friends with
- Don’t make lame excuses for things, be honest
- Use encouraging positive words instead of negative or critical responses
- Learn some cellphone etiquette and shut your phone off once in a while
- NEVER be negative or critical in an email – its too dangerous and easily misinterpreted
- Be a “yes” type of person when doing things for others
- Learn to say “no” to keep your priorities in check
- Teach someone how to do something
- Exercise together
- Make friendly competitions for achievement
- Support each other in your actions / challenges
- Take up a new hobby together to build a common interest
- Never eat alone
- Take and print photographs of activities together
- Ask for help when you need it
- Opening share your beliefs and values
- Stick to your beliefs and express why
- Know your moral principles and stick to themT
- Share your spiritual personality
- In challenging situations, ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?”
- Learn behavioral models (like DISC) to communicate better
- Learn personality models (like Meyers-Briggs) to apply personality tips
- Be willing to have those necessary and crucial conversions
- Create your own bucket list, share it and do many of them together
- Improve your telephone skills
- Give a gift that is more than a purchased item
- Give genuine compliments on a regular basis
- Surprise someone with a kind act towards them
- Have conversations where one of you actively listens and ONLY repeats what you heard in your own words
- Share your spiritual beliefs with each other
- Pray together
- Take up learning a new sport together
- Take responsibility for your own happiness in the relationship without burdening or expected the other person to do that for you
- Tell one another why and how they make you a better person
- Identify and compliment anything you see them improve
- Be gracious and quick to give an apology
- Forgive one another quickly and completely
- Stop complaining and start appreciating
- Laugh together
- Cry together
- Serve others
- Conquer a fear (like heights or fear of a certain animal) together
- Never participate in gossip
- Don’t share private relationship information that deserves to be kept private
- Be spontaneous with activities and have fun
- Never try to change someone else, change yourself instead
- Avoid blaming others
- Take time to think about your relationships in order to improve them
- Make relationships priority and make time to work on them
- Set some goals and work specifically on your relationships
- Expose your vulnerabilities
- Socialize with friends of friends
- Compromise to resolve disputes
- Be generous with expenses and money
- Live below your means so you can save money and prevent money stress in your relationships
- Be humble, not boastful
- Take a weekend retreat together
- Attend a relationships course
- Put your self in other people’s shoes to gain perspective
- Keep in touch often
- Value what you have in each relationship and be grateful for it in conversations
- Highlight and recognize every person’s specialty
- Avoid assumptions by voicing questions and paraphrasing
- Value your own time and don’t waste other’s time
- Use humor and don’t take things too seriously
- Building relationships takes time so be patient
- Change things up with variety and by getting out of your comfort zone
- Have empathy and express it
- Study and improve your body language
- Listen to music together
- Tell the truth (in a kind way) even if it might be hurtful
- Put the level of effort in, that you want to get out!
Do you have more to add? Please add them as a comment for others to enjoy as well.
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May 10th, 2010 at 12:43 PM
Hi Mike.
#45 is a good one. When you stick to your beliefs, others know that you are not just trying to please them, and that you have a backbone, and that does a lot for a relationship. People love relationships where they don’t feel like the other person is hanging off of their arm.
#94 certainly has some validity. Time is a factor that give each person a relationship a sense of consistency. Most false relationships are ones that are short and manipulative. It is difficult to be manipulative for too long of a period.
Cool set here.
May 10th, 2010 at 6:10 PM
@Armen – Great highlights and your reasons why they are important. Sticking to your beliefs is what makes people genuine and that is a key part of great relationships
Interesting point about being manipulative. I think you are right as many short relationships are some selfish desire and lasting ones are much more selfless. Great angle, thanks for your wonderful insight as always Armen!
May 10th, 2010 at 6:52 PM
Very nice list Mike. Think of the results if we did just one of these per day for 100 days. My motto is “A happy wife is a happy life.” It’s worked pretty well for the last 26+ years.
May 10th, 2010 at 8:27 PM
Love the list Mike!!! The thing is – there’s something here that everyone can take and improve upon!! And I’m with Jonathan – a happy wife does make for a happy life!!
May 10th, 2010 at 8:54 PM
@Jonathan hahah!, Great motto. And you are right, doing things from this intentionally everyday is a fantastic way to improve relationships. I’ve actually been working on doing at least one a day since I wrote it and while I don’t direct them all at my wife, I can agree with your motto!
@Lance – awesome support then, I’m glad you’ve stopped by! Jonathan has many many wise words of wisdom, this will have to be added to the list! (Maybe that could be a 100 list someday!)
May 11th, 2010 at 12:11 AM
# Take the time to “write” out a letter to someone you care about and let them know how much you miss and love them through your letter.
# Give a friend an inspiring book to read.
Great list Mike
😀
May 11th, 2010 at 12:57 AM
@Vincent – I included to write a thank you note, but forgot a letter. Great addition for the list! And sharing inspiration through books… Of COURSE!!
May 11th, 2010 at 11:29 AM
Dear Mike,
This list is just GLORIOUS!! I love it. Just reading it made me feel VERY happy inside. I am blessed to live with a wonderful man (my husband LOL!) that lives this with me. And it really DOES work. It really isn’t that hard to have an amazing relationship. We just have to let go of our egos, all the crap that we think is important and that we THINK defines us, and be willing to explore new ways of thinking, feeling and doing things.
We humans can be SO set in our ways, and think that OUR way is THE way. And it’s not just elders who are like this, all of us are. But letting go and approaching it all as an adventure is just so COOL! Yes, it may be hard at times, or scary, or unfamiliar, or feel awkward, but if we just dare to let ourselves be “larger” than we THINK we are, we WILL be larger, more relaxed, creative, malleable, joyous and loving.
I really love this list. It would make a great base for a book. You could (or not) expand on each on with a tiny paragraph and sell it. Or add more and have people do one a day. How fun THAT would be!!
Thanks Mike, I enjoyed this.
Hugs,
Robin
May 11th, 2010 at 11:53 AM
The king of lists does it again 🙂
Great list Mike, I think anything we can do to improve our relationships is a good thing. I love 55, 71 and 92.
May 11th, 2010 at 5:22 PM
@Robin – awesome to see your points here about this. I am finding that creating these lists do so much of what you described, just thinking outside the box and expanding what we know and allowing ourselves to quit doing what we have always done and put some work into relationships to make them better. As you say, and I definitely agree, it doesn’t take that much to make them better, just the dare to let ourselves!
Robin I did think about expanding on each item with a short point as I’ve done with my 100 Ways to serve list but it takes 10 times longer and I already have my relationship ebook to purchases which does expand on a few important of these listed areas. I enjoy the social media help that lists always bring as well and I have a couple more topics I am working on for 100 lists.
@Steven – ha! I certainly didn’t think I’d go after that kind of title but the play on words, its perfectly acceptable I guess. Great selections to highlight.
55(Compliments)-What a way to build people up and you are certainly an example of that with your site and comments all the time!
71(Gossip)-Learning to recognize and avoid this is key. Its the biggest destroyer of relationships
72(Value Time)-Interesting selection and it puts you on the edge to always be looking to provide value in what you do and in how you handle relationships. Great stuff, thanks!
May 11th, 2010 at 7:20 PM
Yep, I love the King of Lists comment too. My recommendations to add to the list:
http://learnthis.ca/2010/02/100-ways-to-serve-others/ 🙂
-Marshall Jones Jr.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:04 AM
@Marshall – thanks so much friend! I actually had to keep that list open while writing this one to ensure I didn’t have a bunch of duplicates. After all that and I forgot to include referencing it, lol! You are definitely right, relationships can all benefit by serving others so it can all apply in building better relationships. Thanks!
May 13th, 2010 at 10:00 AM
Relationships. Our lives don’t amount to much without them. At the end of our days, everyone looks around to see what they’ve accomplished and it always comes back to relationships. Thanks for some great ways to help me lead a fulfilled life and enjoy the people that are in it with me.
May 14th, 2010 at 2:56 PM
I like 73. Be spontaneous with activities and have fun. This can add excitement to any relationship and make each other more relaxed and be able to live in the moment.
Debbie
May 14th, 2010 at 4:14 PM
[…] 100 Ways to Improve Your Relationships (LearnThis.ca) […]
May 16th, 2010 at 12:00 PM
Love #7! Turn OFF the t.v. and have a real conversation. That alone would improve your relationship by at least 50%! Nice list!
May 17th, 2010 at 7:14 PM
These are wonderful tips, Mike. Thanks for sharing these. In addition, I think it’s important to decide what it is that a person wants from the relationship. I think it’s critical that one focuses on the positives of what he / she wants, not what he / she does not want. It’s important to express to one’s partner what it is that he looks forward to from his relationship, and he will be more likely to get those things specifically. This would immensely help to improve one’s relationship.
May 18th, 2010 at 6:16 AM
This is a great list. If only I could get my significant other to read it, I might be better off. haha.
May 18th, 2010 at 10:33 PM
@jeremy – I couldn’t agree more and all the power to you in building great relationships, I’m glad you enjoyed the list. I too, have much work to do to actually DO all of these things now…
@Debbie – Fun brings a lot to relationships and is often how they start but we forget to have any fun as life overwhelms us. How about adding flirting, teasing, games, sports and other fun activities to that list to help build spontaneity.
@S.Ali – This is actually my usual FIRST piece of advice anytime I am asked if I ever have marriage advice or relationship advice. Kill the distractions, focus on each other. Its really that simple.
@Dawn – This is true and great additions. Especially for intimate relationships like marriage to know what each other want and focus on that. Go for what you both desire not striving to change what you don’t like, as that is a recipe for anger and resentment.
@Sell – I know you are kidding but my best advice to have your significant other read this is to copy it into word and retitle it, “100 Things I’m going to do for XXXXXX” and put your sig.other’s name on it. Then leave it lying around your house and cross off the stuff you have done with a pen or pencil. If they notice it, surely they will read it and otherwise, you are at least working on the relationship and that will be noticed. Either way, win win…
May 23rd, 2010 at 3:59 AM
This is quite the list, Mike! If the whole world can sit down, read this and then apply it religiously to our everyday lives us humans could all live harmoniously in paradise!
Be the change you want to see is my personal motto, and trying to live this is quite a journey. My past life really seems alien to me. Thank you for your beacon of light shining bright in the murkiness….
January 27th, 2011 at 10:57 PM
Wow! Many of these are kicking me in the gut. Especially eating alone and I’d love to be able to do #1.
April 11th, 2011 at 6:04 AM
I think everyone use some tips from these. But i like most
Know your moral principles and stick to them
Surprise someone with a kind act towards them
Keep in touch often
Compromise to resolve disputes
July 9th, 2012 at 4:55 AM
Great list, I love it when my other half makes me breakfast or a cup of tea or helps me around the house. The little things can mean so much and can make you feel so appreciated!
September 10th, 2012 at 8:44 AM
this is a great list i took the time to read it more then once…and all those comments are really inspiring…Love the site. Thanks for sharing!
July 26th, 2013 at 4:49 PM
Hey mike, letting go and approaching it all as an adventure is just so COOL! Yes, it may be hard at times, or scary, or unfamiliar, or feel awkward, but if we just dare to let ourselves be “larger” than we THINK we are, we WILL be larger, more relaxed, creative, malleable, joyous and loving!
November 12th, 2013 at 3:44 PM
This is a good article to read. It also has some recommendations with humor in them. This article should be learned, as well as 100 Ways to Serve Others.
May 16th, 2014 at 5:49 PM
Great ideas and tips. I know that when we can’t get away from the kids we often watch movies together after the kids have gone to bed. Its cheap and easy date.
May 31st, 2014 at 4:53 AM
Great list, they should teach this in school!! I believe the younger generation is loosing touch with the Seniors in their lives and they very much need to know them and about them. I believe taking a youth with you and visiting the elderly and asking them to share some things about their life will do everyone good. Older people many times have great past memories but no one to share them with and younger people…even us have so much to learn from just asking a few simple questions. Visiting Nursing homes with our youth group turned out to be a monthly event and the kids loved it and so did the nursing homes, where many had no one to visit them EVER!! Someday you will be in their place and you will be happy that someone came to visit you.
June 5th, 2014 at 7:54 AM
nice ways , good to learn
June 8th, 2014 at 2:05 PM
hard ways seriously ..