As much as I love personal development and the many benefits that it can provide in life, sometimes you also need to know when its time to let all the change go and just do some living, just the way you are!  The way you are is often something we forget to appreciate when we are striving to better ourselves and when that occurs, we can not only forget to appreciate ourselves but also how others are around us.  This is a short guide to some of the reminders we need to live life, just the way you are!

Live Your Core Values

Your core values don’t change easily and if you know them, they should be something easy to live by.  Doing so, helps you ensure you are living who you really are, not what someone else wants you to be, or what often shows up at the surface because of other people’s expectations.  Living who you really are means you are true to yourself, not others.  This of course is much easier said than done, however, the awareness of your own values and living them on purpose can be a huge shift to truly being who you are in life.  I have a couple preview articles you should find helpful to discover your passions and values.

Joy and Appreciation

These are very important to me and a big part of making life wonderful.  Living joyfully is hard to do if we cannot learn to appreciate what we have and all the amazing things that happen everyday.  Yes, life has its share of pain and struggles, yet it’s really just a choice what we want to recognize, think about and let influence our life.  There are often many more things to be joyful for and just a few things we could regret, dwell on or wish for that change the way we live and its the related choices that let us shape life into what we want it to be.  You have to choose to have joy and appreciation if you want them to exist in your life.  You probably know a some people who are happy or joyful despite tough circumstances? And how about people who seem miserable, while seeming to have everything they need in life with far less struggles and adversity.  Everyone I’ve met in my life with extreme circumstances are more easily affected by their choices of what they recognize from those circumstances and how they react to it, then the circumstances themselves and it makes a huge difference in the lives from person to person.  There is always joy to find, recognize and appreciate in life and making it at the forefront will free you to live the rest of your life how you want it, as yourself, instead of being caught up in the past or circumstances outside of your control.

Acceptance and Attraction

Living life, just the way you are means you have to also accept who you are.  Personal development is often seen as a place to change oneself but it isn’t really for that, its a place to discover yourself and recognize things to learn and change along the way.  This is what acceptance is based on as well, you have to accept yourself for the way you are and not burden yourself with overwhelming expectations of change.  If you know who you are now its much easier to decide what changes fit for you and to see the risks, challenges and work required to let them happen.  I’m certainly not saying that personal development is the opposite of living just the way you are, its that if you discover and truly know yourself the way you are now, it’s a journey of change through your life, not a specific target or point of change that you should strive for.

Accepting your own limitations and knowing your limits is important to let change happen naturally as well without forcing things that your body and mind will fight you on (perhaps even unconsciously).  Often what we learn about ourselves is useful to then understand our attractions as well.  Attractions certainly come in different flavors, some like minded and sometimes the old saying opposites attract is just as true.  Attraction can exist as well for things we already know and love, as well for things that excite us or fill a need that we are longing for.  This could be people, but often it is actions or activities as well such as bucket lists or life long dreams.  Attractions are useful to experience life by and they test our acceptance of ourselves and others in the process.  See that, can be a great reminder to accept what is and just keep on living life and the journey it presents.  The attractions will come and go, so let them.

Peace and Contentment

Finally, peace and contentment.  Living life as you are gives you freedom from the stress of change and expectations that do not meet who you are today.  The peace that this brings can be extremely satisfying in that it removes the distractions and burdens leaving you with clear mind and lets you be true to your soul with a contentment about life and living it, just the way you are.

Posted by Mike King under Life | 8 Comments »

I have been spending a lot of time lately thinking about giving.  Time, money, life…  There are many ways to give to others and I’ve seen a lot of parallels to that in the blogging world with my site as well.  I have really stepped up the last month or two by looking to put a lot more effort into promoting other bloggers, my subscribers, people who comment on my site and basically everyone I interact with in this digital world.  It’s not that I didn’t do that before, but never as generously or as often.  I put more of my efforts into content and reading others material without always having a lot to add or say.

Shift Your Actions

However, recently I’ve started putting just a few minutes of all my usual reading time, writing and thinking into helping promote others or by commenting on their sites. I’ve looked at offering more help on this site (please just ask if you need any for something…) and I’ve been much more consistent at leaving articles or reviews when I read some great content instead of just rolling on to the next thing in my list.  I can say that this shift in my actions has had a big ripple effect, something I never expected and it’s wonderful to experience it first hand.

Show Appreciation

I’m working to make more of my actions show appreciation for online content, authors, subscribers and others in my digital sphere.  Just one extra minute after reading an article to add a review or comment and it’s increased my interaction with others by many times.  Instead of forgetting what I read or who I read it from, I have a personal interest in the author once giving them feedback and this makes it much easier to remember the content in the first place as well.  I also find that I value it more if I put just a minute into reading an about page or exploring a few extra articles while stopping by someone’s site.

Everyone knows how they feel when they get appreciated so make that shift and show just a little more appreciation to others around you as well.  Take the first step and put it out there.  Here’s why…

Social Media Reciprocation

Well, I’ll call it reciprocation and it applies in more areas in life than just the social media aspect but as a blogger and considering the point of this article, I think the social media reciprocation has the biggest impact.  Sites like StumbleUpon drive a huge amount of traffic to this site and I’ve connected with a lot of like minded people which is why the interest continues to build.  It’s easy to find people with similar interests and there are a lot of people with these same thoughts to show appreciation and help each other out.  If you are willing to go do that first yourself, you will only soon find out that people will return the favor without you even asking.

My traffic and readership have continued to grow and recently increased quite drastically (over 30% per month) due to this small shift in my actions.  It’s payed off, the social media arena has helped to pay that back and I’m happy to that much more communication with other great like minded people.  Here is an excellent guide to getting more from stumbleupon written at Inside Writer.

Influence

So I started this thinking about influence and I know that when you look to do what others value first, you will have more influence on them.  Every time you do something for someone else, whether it seems noticed or not, I think you gain a small piece of influence.  Whether that influence is important at that time or some time well into the future, I don’t think it matters, either way, the influence that is built remains there and was all created by giving first.

So I hope I can have at least some influence here as well and encourage you to please, take one extra minute after reading great articles to add some comment or review the page in your favorite social media.  You’re welcome to do this here but I’d prefer you do it with other articles as I hate to seem like I’m asking for that!  Here are some great articles from my top commenters lately if you need a starting point.  I’d love to hear comments how you’ve experienced this as well or ideas that you do to give first?

• Don’t Worry, Be Happy
• Using Long-term Thinking To Reduce Regret
• How Should We Choose Our Career?
• How to stay inspired in tough times

Posted by Mike King under Learning | 30 Comments »

Jonathan at Illuminated mind provoked some thoughts on this topic for me by asking "What’s Right With Your Life? "  He challenges his readers and other bloggers that we often focus on fixing things that are broken and work to change things we don’t like in our lives instead of appreciating and looking at the things that are right.  While I do agree that many people look at it that way, I find it to be a comment and set of questions more about a perspective or way of thinking than it is about some general approach in life.  I initially had this comment below on his site and I wanted to elaborate on that further with this article.

Posted by Mike King under Life | 1 Comment »

I have a guest post up on one of my favorite blogs today, "The Positivity Blog ", called "Why Worrying Gets You Nowhere and How to Get a Handle on That Destructive Habit ".  Its a very popular site and I’m sure any stumble or diggs to the article would still be a big help for me if you find it valuable.

In summary, worrying is a very common trait for many people and the article offers some suggestions and tips to look at ways to overcome that destructive habit.  I hope you enjoy it!!

Posted by Mike King under Life | 3 Comments »

Even though society likes to enforce rules and rights to balance out people in each other’s eyes, it hasn’t worked to ensure that everyone is treated fairly and with the respect and love they each deserve. We judge people every day, we compare ourselves to others, others to others and others to whom we wish those others were. This happens in all areas of our lives and its encouraged constantly by everything around us, such as in the media and advertising we’re bombarded with.

All of these differences in belongings, status, income, age, fame and knowledge that everyone DOES have really doesn’t separate the things that everyone DOES have in common. And yes, everyone has basic needs in common and has longings for many of the same things hard wired into us. These show up in many different areas of our lives.

Workplace

Generation gaps, experience, income, and power all affect the way we interact with each other in the workplace. These things are in some ways positive and some ways negative, yet they always seem to generate some workplace tension between people. Examples can be seen every single day as we struggle to protect our own backs, impress others, avoid blame and gain some attention or appreciation in the hope of advancing our careers. Most of those items occur because of selfishness and if we really wanted to think about what people want, its only partly those things. Each of those attributes are really just a business name that if translated mean that people are looking to be respected, appreciated, and treated fairly. It doesn’t matter what the differences are between people in the workplace, if these things exist, then all people are the same. Why not ignore the things most people seem to compete for and simply respect others, appreciate them and treat them fairly.

Relationships

Well, when it comes to relationships, there are many dangers that seem to get in the way. These can be wanting or always trying to be right and someone else wrong. Often it’s seeing only what you can get out of a relationship and take from it. And then there are always belongings to get in the way, which involves not only personal belongings, but personal history, memories and experiences. Each of these are things that are typically protected out of fear from loosing control or becoming too vulnerable quickly, or even by suffering from esteem issues due to past experiences or preconceived thoughts about the other person.

If you acknowledge the fact that most relationships have these pressure points that often become the failing point, why not make them easy for the other person. Don’t argue for the sake of arguing, just accept that you don’t need to be right and quickly admit when you are wrong. Since you know that people are looking to see what they can get out of a relationship (aren’t we generally accustomed to that?), why not work to give more than you take or expect. Make the first move, offer to share or be vulnerable first since you know that’s what the other person is hoping for. Let them stay guarded, safe and protected, it will help them be more comfortable. Reach outside your comfort zone yourself, don’t expect the other person to do it first. If you do, it just slows down the relationship building and keeps barriers up that don’t need to be there.

So, examining what you know about relationships and turning all the things around that you hope for, helps you to see that it doesn’t matter who you’re dealing with, people are looking for friendship and love, time to spend with someone, comfort and security and someone to share experiences with. Since all those things seem to have these dangers involved that are generally guarded, take the first step and treat others in the relationship exactly like you have always wanted yourself.

Strangers

We constantly encounter new people, either by first meeting them or simply being in public with strangers. Unfortunately, these things lead us all to make automatic judgments based on stereotypes, prejudices and assumptions. These are typically based on physical attributes of others. Would you want someone to do that to you? Probably not, yet its not so easy to stop doing yourself. However, when I think about why people make these judgments, I think its entirely based on fearing the unknown and fearing similarities that we associate with bad experiences we’ve been taught or learned first hand. Put those things together and its a nasty recipe of wanting to stay in silence, independent and not engaging in what are often thought to be risky relationships where we might be hurt. If you look at the areas above though in the workplace and with existing relationships, all the same real desires are there in strangers as well, they are not different. They want the same things, hope and dream just like you, and have many of the same fears about you as you have of them. Eliminate this barrier and you may find that strangers are really not just strangers, but people.

So What?

Well, I believe all of this ties together in the truth that people are all similar, and if you respond to others in a way that you want yourself (yup, the Golden Rule), then many of the barriers that you otherwise re-enforce, don’t even exist in the first place. Everyone has some fears in these areas and looking to see how you can respond to people differently by stepping past some of these fears you have, will encourage others to do the same, open new opportunities in relationships and allow you to freely meet exceptional people you otherwise walk past every single day.

Posted by Mike King under Relationships | 1 Comment »

If you missed it, jump back to Part 1 – Being Humble: What does that mean?

Now that we’ve explored what it means to be humble and some of the attributes to recognize a humble person, this article has some specific actions anyone can learn to be more humble.

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Thank Others

Make sure you take every opportunity you have to thank others for what they do and what they help you with. People don’t accomplish anything on their own and it always takes help from others. Thank them for this help. Whether its your boss, spouse, friends, or stranger, thank others for whatever you can. Being humble in other’s eyes means you don’t claim your own accomplishments, and instead, thank others for how they helped, what they did, how they encouraged or supported you, etc. There are always things to thank others for. Find someone each day and thank them for something. That said, I want to thank each of YOU for reading and supporting this site, it wouldn’t exist without you!

Redirect Praise

Redirecting praise is useful to be more humble and modest. If you don’t accept praise outright and instead, redirect it to others who helped you, trained you or even allowed you to do something, you pass on that praise to others without taking the credit directly. Accepting praise doesn’t really make a person less humble, but down playing your significance or importance on something certainly makes you more humble. Knowing and sharing the fact that you were not the reason for some accomplishment goes a long ways in the eyes of others. This is especially important in work groups and it drastically reduces the risk of anyone thinking you take all the credit. If you deflect or redirect all praise and credit given you to others involved and truly believe the fact that you weren’t that significant, you further develop a humble attitude.

You Don’t Have to Be Right

A humble person never tries to out do someone else and make themselves look better or smarter. This includes having to be right. When you try to prove you are right, or even when you say something simple like "I know", you are showing dominance over the other person. Instead of wanting to be right, even if you know something already, simple say, "Interesting, thanks for that." A humble person knows only one thing, that they are NOT always right! If you have an idea to present or a solution to offer, don’t try to convince others that its the right solution. Say something like, "I have an suggestion, although I’m not sure its the right thing to do, since I’m often wrong, which is to [blah blah]…" Make an effort to being humble using these types of suggestions so you don’t come across to others as always having to be right.

It Wasn’t You Who Got You Here

People are constantly striving for success and they often feel very proud of themselves for getting to where they are at. Humble people are not proud and know that they didn’t get themselves here. They know that others helped them, encouraged them and assisted them to get to where they are now. If you recognize this and always see how others help you out, you can be more humble by sharing that fact and not taking credit yourself. This is similar to the first one on the list, where its important to thank others.

Don’t Be First

First is not necessarily a bad thing, however being first can come across as competitive, self promoting or demoting of others. None of those things are common for a humble person. In a group or workplace, if you don’t be first to speak, participate or get involved, you give others a chance to be first. This can be very humbling for several reasons. You may see that others have better or smarter ideas than you had in the first place, you’re not the only one capable of the task or message and that you aren’t necessarily needed as much as you would like to think you are. These are very humbling realizations so if want to learn to be more humble, next time you have a chance to be first, don’t!

Appreciate Everything

So many things around us are not our doing, we often forget to see our own insignificance since we get so focused on our own lives and accomplishments. Well to be humble, its importance to recognize and appreciate all the wonderful things around us. Appreciate the place you live, the health, wealth and happiness you experience or have opportunity for. Appreciating things adds greatly to a person’s humility and knowing that we have so much to be thankful for builds on many of the other items in this list. Look around in nature and at the beauty of life sometime and just take it in for a few moments. Think of the world and the awesome creation that God has provided you, and its impossible NOT to be humbled. Show this appreciation in your life and spirit and it will certainly help you be more humble.

Listen More Than You Speak

Similar to the item above, "Don’t Be First" it applies to listening in a more broad sense. Listening more than you speak can be very powerful and if you use this you can learn many things about others and practice humility in how you respond. It gives you time to think and provides time for others to share their own opinions. Listening more can be very respectful to others, and you can learn a lot more by listening to others than you can by speaking.

Don’t Judge Others

Last but not least, a very important aspect of being humble is to not judge others. Judgment is a dangerous thing and you can’t stay open minded, receptive to ideas, empathetic or appreciative of others if you are judging them or their ideas. Everyone is different and have different ideas and when you judge those, you are really showing that you have some overseeing significance or power to make a judgment call, which you certainly don’t if you want to be a humble person. So, to be more humble, practice leaving others to show themselves over time and to let their ideas play out without judgment. Definitely, make an effort not to express judgment and don’t talk about people behind their backs. This is just another form of judgment and shows dominance, so don’t judge others, and you will be more humble.

Better is a person of humble standing who nevertheless has a servant, than one who pretends to be somebody important yet has no food. Proverbs 12:9

I hope this list is helpful and that each of you can take some of these steps to being more humble. I know that writing and researching this has been a bit humbling for myself, since I know I don’t do all of these things. I obviously have my work cut out for me. My next and last article in this series is going to look at Being Humble: Why Bother?. I hope you will come back and read why I think being humble is important and what it is useful for. I’d love to hear any other tips and ideas you may have for this list of action steps to be more humble, if so, please comment them below!

Posted by Mike King under God & Life | 48 Comments »