Don’t Talk Negatively about Anyone
Relationships July 8th, 2008One of the simplest things I’ve learned about improving your relationships is an important habit to develop. Its simple, but not that easy to put into practice without paying attention to it, which is the point of this article. Its so simple its often overlooked when people teach about communications and relationships. The idea is to never talk negatively about anyone. What I mean by this is to avoid all the typical team / relationship killers that go on in normal office politics such as:
- Talking about someone’s performance with anyone other than them
- Rumors and gossip in the workplace or friendship circles
- Telling others what someone else did without a reason or something to be learned
- Using others’ negative behaviors as an example without their permission
These are just a few examples of how simple communication might be unintentionally harmful but end up being very harmful indeed. Even the most innocent discussions about someone else can easily get retold and end up in the ears of the actor in the story which can easily be taken the wrong way. Things get misinterpreted and told differently each time its communicated. The best way to avoid this is just to never talk negatively about anyone. Keep in mind that anything you say could get back to that person and so if you’re not willing to say it to them directly, then you shouldn’t say it in the first place. If you do have something to say, why not tell them directly and deal with the issue, instead of complaining to others about them and making the situation worse.
This works not only for negative things you have to say, but also for positive. Its not much point in telling someone else about the things a person does well or poorly, you might as well tell them directly. If you do have feedback for someone, then base it on what they’ve done and don’t make it negative about the person themselves. I learned this topic primarily from the book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People ” which I definitely recommend if you haven’t read it. It covers so many critical life topics on relationships you’re missing out if you haven’t learned the teachings from it.
What is an important rule you follow for building relationships?
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July 8th, 2008 at 7:11 PM
Good post. It is easy to find oneself caught in the traps you describe here. When I find myself being dragged in that direction, I do a little exercise of drawing up the positive aspects of that individual. Then, we must take the courageous step of sharing it with them. It can be powerful when we do.
July 8th, 2008 at 9:49 PM
Absolutely Chris. Taking a moment to write a thank you for someone you normally gripe about can change your perspective drastically. (Even if not delivered)
Thanks for the extra tip and comment, I appreciate it!
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:20 PM
The 4 point bulleted list is basically gossip. And gossip is bad. So why did you make a list?
anyways…
I learned, that honesty is the first step towards relationship destruction. Not wife-husband, but rather jobplace. When you say something in an honest way, it will 99% of the time be interpreted as “wow, you are a jerk!”
So my rule in building a relationship is: “SHUDDUP!”