Open Ended Questions Make Better Conversations
Relationships December 2nd, 2008Questions are a critical piece of any conversation and there is an easy way to use them to build better conversations and depth while communicating. That method is simply by using more open ended questions.
Open Ended Versus Closed Ended
There are two types of questions that are important to know in order to keep your conversations going and to build more rapport with others in conversation. They are open ended and closed ended questions.
Closed ended questions can be answered with a single one or two word response. They are often a yes or no question and don’t leave much room for elaboration, interpretation or opinion.
Open ended questions on the other hand are questions that cannot be answered with one word responses. They require some thought and some details to reasonably answer the question.
Build a Conversation
Simple response closed questions don’t leave much room for elaboration or really a full response. These are often question using phrases like, did you, when, do you want to, will you, have you, etc. Each of these just need a couple words to answer and they don’t transition well from one topic to another in a conversation. They leave little room for new ideas and they don’t spark much creativity or imagination which leads to new questions. That is where open ended questions excel. They provide much more detail, thoughts, comments and bits of information that can more easily form into new ideas and transitions. Here are some examples of typical questions in an open format:
- Tell me what you think about that?
- What is it you like about the idea?
- Why would you suggest that?
- How do you plan to achieve that?
Let Others Talk More Than You
Open ended questions also ensure that you give others a chance to talk more than you. It forces you to listen more in any conversation because you have to wait for a longer response with these questions. You can still lead a conversation by steering with your questions but at least the open questions will allow room for a more elaborate expanse.
Open questioning is also a great tool to promote creative thought, problem-solving skills, and cognitive growth in others because it forces a person to spend more time contemplating their response instead of just giving a disconnected yes or no response. The thought needed behind may seem simply but it forces an association pattern that makes a person relate something of meaning that they response with, to the person or conversation. This inherently builds a stronger bond with, better memory of and definitely a more engaged conversation.
Ask Them to Talk About Themselves
Similarly to simply having someone talk more, having someone talk about themselves, their own thoughts and their feelings on a subject shows that you have some genuine interest in them and care enough to want to take the time to listen. This is immensely powerful both for seeing how the conversation topics affect that person but also to strengthen that relationship more. Whether you know the person well, or you are already a close friend or family member, these personal and open ended questions only lead to an even stronger bond with a longer more meaningful conversation at the outset.
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December 2nd, 2008 at 9:45 AM
Good article, Mike and the four question words (tell, what, why, how) are absolutely right to build a conversation.
To have a close relationship, we have to listen more and talk less, and it’s not easy. We must have a strong will to be humble. Basically because of human ego, it’s more difficult for people to listen. They want to be heard more.
December 2nd, 2008 at 8:46 PM
Thanks arswino, you’ve mentioned many of my favorite areas, communication, humble, listening… So much to learn and share there… Thanks for the your comment and reminders of each of these.
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:10 AM
Mike,
I have a question… why do people make close-ended questions? From my point of view, people who ask close-ended questions;
– seek conversation efficiency
– intend to conclude
I believe that close-ended questions can be used effectively and productively if used properly. It might take far too long in an issue if the discussion or conversation is driven by open-ended questions alone. And finding a conclusion with open-ended question is difficult and troublesome.
I think that we need a good blend of open- and close-ended questions. We need open-ended questions for (like you suggested in an article), creativity, problem-solving skills, etc. On the other hand, we might also need close-ended for summaries, call to action, and final agreements.
“Tell me what you think about that?” 🙂
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:07 AM
When creating a relationship open-ended questions are fantastic. We can learn so much more about a person than compared to close-ended questions.
I do agree with Viriya. We also need close-ended questions because we need to take quick action.
Listening is a learned skill, most of us want to talk without having much of a give and take. When we learn to let other people talk and just listen it’s amazing how much more interesting we become.
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:10 AM
What is it that you like about open ended questions? 😉
Well written, Mike!
December 4th, 2008 at 7:09 AM
Viriya and Karl. You guys have great points here and yes there is definitely a place for close-ended questions. Most people use them by default without ever exploring the notion of only using open ended questions, so that’s why I wanted to look at it with that in mind only. Close ended definitely make finding out information quicker and are better as you say for wrapping something up, or call to action. However, I don’t think those are very conversational really, they are action oriented with the purpose of limiting the conversation to be as brief as possible.
Good one Ross! haha I guess I can’t answer that with a yes or no. I do like how this has sparked some more discussion and questions though for sure and thanks to each of you for the additional points and comments!
December 16th, 2008 at 8:24 PM
Welcome to the December 16, 2008 edition of carnival of personal development…
Personal Development
Britannica Blog presents Suicide on the Internet: What Is Our Responsibility? posted at Britannica Blog, saying, “Last Friday, November 21, Abraham Biggs, a 19-year-old community college student in Florida, committed suicide …
March 11th, 2009 at 3:45 PM
i love opened ended Questions because i think it’s a good way of learning and a better way of studying! LOL
June 8th, 2013 at 5:22 AM
I agree with the comments posted here about the opened and closed ended questions. However, they both have equal importance in accordance with the context, age, culture, time and the discourse followed especially in the developing countries.