Why Are You Waiting for Happiness? Have it NOW!
Life December 21st, 2008Have you ever heard yourself or someone you know say, “I’ll be happy when…”? Do you think that happiness is something you will have or get in the future? Are there things you think you need to do or have before you will be truly happy? I’ve learned that you can control your own happiness and this article will help you learn to enable yourself to experience happiness anytime, anywhere, in any situation.
The Myth of Happiness
Happiness is one of those long sought after, conceptual ideas and it has turned into a sense of longing and searching for many people instead of a state of being and feeling. People have learned over centuries to look to the future to find more happiness instead of looking at the here and now with what they have. Well, did you know you can have happiness now? You don’t need anything else or anyone to be happy.
Have you ever been happy before in your life? Are there moments when you’ve experienced more happiness than right now? I suspect there are! If so, great, then you can harness that and be happy now as well.
Happiness is Internal
Many think that happiness comes from having lots of money, being attractive, having the perfect job or the latest gadget. Some people think it comes from circumstances in life or your environment. I personally don’t understand how people let themselves belief this so easily (obviously the media is very good at what they do for consumerism, but that’s another article). Studies, experience and worldly looks at happiness show that it doesn’t come from all your possessions, your genes or any external factors. It comes from within.
There are several different factors that do feed our happiness. Part of our happiness factor has been shown to be stemmed from our genetics and youngest years in life. This is a significant portion of our happiness which tends to give us a consistent fall back point for our happiness. It can move up and down from that point, but it seems this point is different for different people and doesn’t tend to change much through life. So, that area is not really within our control so there is not much point on dwelling or working on that. I have read however, that our genetics and base happiness level can be as much of 50% of what contributes to our happiness.
The next factor is circumstance. This is the one that takes the most blame for not being happy yet studies show it is only about 10% of our happiness factor. So, this area while may seem like the most important area to control, is fairly insignificant when it comes to our happiness levels. It’s something to realize but keep in mind that doing something about something in this area is not very impactful and it isn’t a factor that can easily be changed, so also not worth a lot of time considering the value.
The last factor however, is completely different. It’s your attitude, thoughts and feelings about happiness. The voluntary control area of happiness where you think about your past, present and future to adjust your level of happiness. This area is the area you have complete control over as it’s based only on your own internal thoughts.
Past
How you think about your past and let it affect you today is up to you. If you put more thoughts on learning from the past, and use that to make life better now instead of dwelling on hardship or struggles, you can gain more happiness right now. People who focus on and remember the good times and happy memories are happier than those who remember all the unhappy times. Having an attitude of appreciation and gratitude for those good times strengthens that happiness you can experience today.
Present
Your present is something you must practice in to increase your happiness. How you see things and respond to things is definitely up to you, and doing so in a way that brings more happiness is certainly a better option than choosing to bring sad or disappointing views into your mind. Look around to find simple things to take pleasure in and consider not what you don’t have, but what you do have. Having and putting time into relationships and enjoyable activities are great ways to experience more happiness in the present.
Future
Your future and more specifically, how you think it will be, will also greatly affect your happiness. If you condition yourself to think that you need something else (like a possession) to be happy, then when you get to your future you will be trained to continue to look for the next thing before being happy. Instead, look at the things that make you happy now which are not external and think and remind yourself of still experiencing them in the future. Be optimistic with your expectations for happiness and you can drive yourself to be more happy!
Be Happy Now
So all of this leaves only one thing when it comes to happiness. Make a decision to be happy now and to change your thinking towards the things that contribute to happiness instead of deterring it. Choose your response to situations and live with a hope and appreciation to what is good, what is right, and what makes you happy.
Prev: Want More Influence? Give to Others First
Next: Life and Work Balance
December 21st, 2008 at 5:47 AM
Great article Mike. I never thought of happiness as internal before. However, I thought that most of us practice, to some extent, diverting the happiness through attitude.
I find myself quite disgraceful many times when something bad happens and I looked at it the other way to make me feel better. For example, that girl ditched me, she must be pretty stupid; I don’t need a stupid girl, anyway. 😛 This is bad attitude!
We cannot avoid sadness or misery. However, when it happens, those who have the attitude to seek happiness will make a comeback mentally stronger than ever.
This article makes me think hard Mike. Now, I’m going to ask my dad if I am genetically happy!
December 21st, 2008 at 8:00 AM
As we quickly approach the Christmas holiday, this is a very fitting message Mike. It is, because this season sometimes gets cluttered with “I want” – or “I need”. When the truth is, it’s not really about things – it’s about our own internal happiness, our relationships with other, our connecting.
And the whole idea of embracing the “now” is also a very important one. It’s too easy to say – “I’ll be happy when…” and when that moment comes (or doesn’t come) – then it’s something else in the future we’re waiting for to make us happy. The truth is, happiness is achievable NOW. If we, like you say, let our attitudes allow it. Great article, and a great reminder for me!
December 21st, 2008 at 9:12 AM
Thanks Viriya and Lance for your comments. I think this is one of the areas I love most in life, as there are just so many ways to be distracted from happiness and unfortunately, this world trains us well to do that, to go searching for the next thing to bring happiness. I’m so glad I’ve learned that that isn’t needed and that happiness is something you can easily have, but need to understand and practice how.
December 21st, 2008 at 1:18 PM
Hi Mike
Gosh, 50% from genetics and childhood! I would never have thought that. And it’s not really under our control. I’d like to find out more on that.
Thank you for the facts – very interesting.
A great deal with the attitudes has to do with awareness. Sometimes we aren’t even aware of the thoughts we are having about the past and we wonder around in worry of the future. Monitoring thoughts is a first step – not always easy.
Juliet
December 21st, 2008 at 2:43 PM
As I get older(cough-cough).
I am more incline to believe I am the only one responsible for making me happy and it isn’t my responsibly to spend time making someone else happy.
It should come naturally.
Past regrets,at one time I had a few.
Realistically-
I have put them in to perspective.Those failures or broken hearts were for the soul purpose of helping me become the person I am today and where I am in the personal and professional life.So I am actually very thankful for the failures I have had.
Great post.
Merry Christmas
December 21st, 2008 at 3:47 PM
Mike – thanks for the post.
It got me thinking about what is ‘happiness’ in the first place? I wonder if, like ‘love’, it’s one of those really important concepts we often carelessly throw around without much clarity about what it actually is. Which is why so many believe the myths of happiness (e.g. it comes from a fast car, it depends on some future event). My guess is that what many call ‘happiness’ is not what you or I would call ‘happiness’. More like gratification, excitement, pleasure or something like that. I’d enjoy a follow up post on ‘what is happiness?’ (hint hint!).
Ian
December 21st, 2008 at 4:54 PM
Thanks for the continual comments with your own personal experiences that greatly add to the article as well as your thoughts to help clarify or verify my own ideas.
Ian, that would be a very tough article to write I think… (I love a challenge though). I am working on a big series on leadership for January but likely I’ll come back to the topic of happiness, as it’s dear to my heart for all the reasons most don’t seem to know and for people like you who inspire me to find ways to help others find that happiness themselves.
December 21st, 2008 at 9:38 PM
I absolutely agree with you, Mike.
Many people often blame circumstances for their unhappiness. It is a mistake. As a consequence, they will always be enslaved by circumstances.
Like a quote from John B. Sheerin : “Happiness is not in our circumstances but in ourselves. It is not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of a fire. Happiness is something we are.”
December 22nd, 2008 at 10:33 AM
Regrets about past, anxieties about future ruin the happiness of today. There’s a popular spiritual movement with a huge following which extols ‘living in the present moment’ as an effective approach to happy living. People who have realized the significance of this simple but deeply meaningful maxim are re-discovering true happiness.
A very well written article Mike, punctuated by practical ideas for life. But your observation/statement that genetics and base happiness level can be as much of 50% of what contributes to our happiness is something which I am yet unable to relate to easily-neither denying nor accepting; I am pondering over it in an attempt to fathom the truth. Further elaboration/corroboration may be of help, for me.
December 22nd, 2008 at 11:48 AM
I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit as a I prepare for our next series called “BEcoming” The classic passage in literature on happiness comes from the beatitudes (Matthew 5). The word blessed is much more than what we typically think of when we say “happy” but it is interesting how upside down the beatitudes are from our normal understanding of what makes life “good.”
It seems to be that happiness isn’t attained by making it a goal, but rather it is a by-product of a certain type of life that is focused on something beyond happiness.
December 22nd, 2008 at 1:23 PM
Steve, you are absolutely right. That is why I find any tips or ideas on how to be happy not that realistic. You can’t just do something and be happy, it is like you said, that by-product of being focused on something what is actually beyond happiness. Happiness is just a result of it. I’m looking forward to such a series, I’ve been building up some content for myself for another couple articles sometime!
Thanks for stopping by again!
December 22nd, 2008 at 4:29 PM
Very inspiring Mike! it make me remember to what Aristotle said that happiness is not about have a lot of materials or being fulfilled needs, but happiness (he calls it as eudaimonia) is how someone could maximize he or she potentiality.
December 22nd, 2008 at 8:33 PM
Hey Mike,
This is interesting and reminds me of a couple things.
The first is something I first heard from Anthony Robins: that happiness is when life = expectations. I think his conclusions were that you have to identify what part of life you can change, and then adjust your expectations in the other areas.
I’m also reminded of research (of which I cannot remember the source) indicating the the biggest factor in an individuals assessment of their happiness was their economic stature _relative_ to those around them.
Personally, I think the pursuit of happiness is a fools game. Because its inherently a selfish endeavor it will always ring hollow. I can’t prove it, but I’d bet if you ask people who have done both an all inclusive vacation and a humanitarian relief trip which one has had a more positive affect on their life one answer will come up more often than the other…
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:59 PM
oilJobs, thanks for the comment. Interesting to think it is about improving oneself. hmmmm, maybe that’s why I’m so happy?
Brad, I’ve heard that from Robins as well. Expectations and surroundings play a role for sure. I’m not sure I believe that fully though. It definitely has some impact but I think that is mostly for material happiness as you tend to compare to everything around you and the things around you. If they have less, you have more and then you’re happier. But that doesn’t work if looking at emotions, connections and feelings. How do you know that of people around you? Would you be happier if everyone around you is always miserable? I doubt it.
I’m not sure the pursuit is necessarily a fools game. Again, materially, I’d agree, but what if you actually find it? If you discover for yourself that you can just “be” happy? The pursuit to find that left you happy and it’s possible to hold onto that then. Can you share it, can you teach it, can you keep it? I think so. I’d about an understanding though, not some object or time in life.
As to the vacation or humanitarian trip?? Hmm. I’m not sure it’s related to happiness actually. I would like to think I would be happy on either. I’ll certainly get different experiences from each, but not sure one or the other would make me happier than the other. But that is because I don’t search for that thing to make me happy any longer. I don’t NEED anything to be happy, I’m just happy.
Much thinking to do on this I have.
December 23rd, 2008 at 4:44 PM
Mike,
Wondering where did the comment I thought I wrote yesterday disappear? Strange bugs!
Regrets for past and anxieties about future are factors ruining the time we get at present. ‘Living In the Present Moment’ is The Art of Living [the new school of faith: http://www.artofliving.org/%5D many are fascinated followers here. ‘Unborn Tomorrow, Dead Yesterday, Why Fret About Today Being Sweet!’ was the old poetic counsel. Those that have acknowledge that happiness is an attitude are the most happy. Well written article. Like Juliet, I’d like [also] to find out more on that.
December 24th, 2008 at 12:17 AM
Pushhyarag, I don’t know why, but your comments keep getting grabbed by my akismet spam. I’ve had to manually move all four of them. I don’t think I missed any though. Let me know if you find any disappear, I’ll have to look into that more.
Anyway, you are right about those past and future things ruining the present. There is definite value in putting attention to the now and making the most of it in life.
December 24th, 2008 at 2:25 AM
Hi Mike
Great post,In my opinion some people are happy even though they had a rough childhood proving that our attitude is the most important.
December 24th, 2008 at 4:45 AM
Mike,
Other bloggers too reported this weird Akismet behavior with my[also another regular blogger’s] comments. I myself had to pull one out of spam from a known blogger. I’m new @ WP. Where would such things be reported to? Author of the PlugIn I suppose.
Merry Christmas!
December 26th, 2008 at 10:41 AM
I sometimes get caught up in the whole “Ill be happy when ____” mentality. Definitely acknowledging what I do have helps me get out of that funk. Thanks for the reminder!
December 26th, 2008 at 11:55 PM
Thanks for the comments Happiness. Of course there are always the areas of happiness that we see and then there are those areas unseen as well. That base level of happiness. It’s not to say that you can’t be happy in hard times or be miserable when all things are good, it just is a base line for each individuals happiness levels. Attitude plays a significant role obviously and those base levels can be changed over time as well they are just much longer term and more difficult to change.
Carla, thanks for the comment! I can tell from your last post on your blog you just took another step to put that help out first and not wait for it. That will get you the happiness without that “when ___” having to be there.
December 28th, 2008 at 7:48 AM
It is true that happiness is actually within ourselves. We should have the positive mindset in whatever situation.
After reading this article, I know exactly that happiness is not because of lots of money or luxury.
January 6th, 2009 at 1:22 PM
Great article Mike!
Happiness is indeed internal and doesn’t need to be found. This is something I need to remember as I work through my goals for 2009.
January 9th, 2009 at 10:43 PM
Rich Life Carnival #25…
Welcome to the 25th edition of rich life carnival.
Healthy Living
Peter Garant presents Cool Mist Humidifiers: Important Traits posted at Humidifier Reviews, saying, “The best cool mist humidifier is one that is safe for your family, clean…
January 9th, 2009 at 10:43 PM
Rich Life Carnival #25…
Welcome to the 25th edition of rich life carnival.
Healthy Living
Peter Garant presents Cool Mist Humidifiers: Important Traits posted at Humidifier Reviews, saying, “The best cool mist humidifier is one that is safe for your family, clean…
March 31st, 2009 at 10:31 PM
When all is said and done, it’s up to each of us to make the decision to be happy and then follow through. The rest will unfold as long as you stick to your new focus.
December 19th, 2009 at 4:13 PM
Nice article about hapinness. I was just wondering some one in my counrty got the loto at Rs 30 million, about USD10 MIILION. They should be very happy indeed as they were with very modest income. Money is something that make people happy.
December 19th, 2009 at 4:24 PM
Guildford, I’m not sure I understand you. Did the someone become happy because of the money or not? Were they happy already before they had it? I’ve never heard any stories where money itself is what really made people happy. Its always been what they do with it for others that seems to leave an impact of happiness.
December 23rd, 2009 at 10:28 AM
Hi,
Interesting thoughts. I completely agree. However I think,
happiness is still a tricky word. I had a shot at trying to define it
in a more “scientific” or “objective” way, despite it being a
subjective feeeling: What is happiness?
I would love to hear your thoughts! Thank you, Nick
August 22nd, 2011 at 3:01 AM
happiness
everyone wants it, but only a few really are Happy within themselves.
a person could always be smiling but within themselves not be Happy. Fake smiling does not lead to guinine happiness
Money does not bring happiness. having the latest fashions, or electronics will not make you happy
Happiness is a mindset. Its truly being at peace within yourself. Its a mind state that any negative situation that you encounter will really not bother you. Its the point in your life where you feel calm and relaxed within yourself.
Some conditions that lead to true happiness are
:Giving to others either thru your volunteer labor, or financially
:Pushing yourself either physically or emotionally.
(meeting new people, going for a long run, lifting weights)
:learning a new skill, either for a new career or as a hobby
:Repeating incantations in your mind. saying to yourself that you are happy and confident
:going on vacation, to temporarily change your environment
:playing with your kids, spending time with the people you love and care for
:taking a long walk with someone you love and care for
:appreciating the simple things in life, flowers, a robin, the clouds in the sky, the rain drops falling from the sky
:choosing everyday to put a smile on your face, and making the choice that you will be happy
:visualizing your future goals, where you would like to be in say 5, 10, or 20 years
:listening to music, and dancing
:watching a funny show
:waking up early on a weekend, to read a good book.
:having faith in something higher than yourself
:watching self help DVD’s or listening to self help CD’s
:kissing your significant other
:meditating, yoga
these are just a few of many elements that lead to true guinine happiness. A person having a smile, sometimes can be misleading. A person with a poker face, or a serious face, can be truly HAPPY
God Bless
August 22nd, 2011 at 7:31 PM
Great point John and excellent examples, but I have to argue some of those are merely acts of happiness as well, not genuine happiness. However, you said it best when you wrote happiness is a mindset of being at peace within yourself and staying at peace in all situations you face. I couldn’t agree more… Thanks for the great addition!