I have another guest post this week and have to say, this is an entertaining one on typical job searching irony.  I hope you appreciate the humor as much as I do!

Have you ever wondered why so many people hate Mondays? Obviously it’s because they hate to go to work. But why would you hate to go to work? Why would you even apply for a job that you hate? These sound like naïve questions, but they truly are not. If a job is not the right fit for you, the best advice I can give you is to give it a pass. You’ll save yourself and your prospective employer a big waste of time. But, I’m here to help. If you insist on applying for a job that you are bound to hate, try these tips - they might just help!

  1. Apply only for jobs within a particular salary range. Of course, you have to feed your family, pay your rent, and keep the cable guy in business. But is that high paying job really worth the misery? If you think it is, then go through the job listings with that salary range in mind. If you want to be absolutely certain that you don’t end up with a lower paying job, mention your preferred salary range in your cover letter. There are plenty of employers out there who will appreciate your slavish insistence on money over job satisfaction (see ams fulfillment)
  2. Apply only for jobs within a particular geographic location. I know, you like the city you live in, you grew up there, and your entire family lives there. And having a support network of friends and family can be important if you have kids. But ask yourself if that support network is really worth the daily grind of working at a job that makes you groan and hide your head under the pillow every morning when your alarm goes off.
  3. Apply only for jobs in a large company with plenty of room for advancement. You don’t want to suffer in that entry-level job forever. Nobody does. But the days when the average worker started in the mailroom and worked his or her way up to become the CEO of a large company are long gone. I’m not saying that you can’t do that, but you are much more likely to work your way up the ladder of success quickly if you are willing to make horizontal jumps from one company to another – and that means that it doesn’t really matter if you work for a small organization or a large one. As for becoming CEO one day – that’s not likely to happen unless you start your own company. But if working your way up in one company is your dream, by all means, go for it. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
  4. Apply only for jobs that offer good benefits and plenty of vacation time. I cannot overemphasize this point – it is all important when you are searching for a job that you plan to hate. After all, if you hate your job, you will want plenty of time off from it. And you certainly are going to need good personal health insurance for all the stress-related ailments you are likely to develop. Plan now for the diverticulitis, weight gain, depression, fatigue and heart attack that may lie in your future!
  5. Apply only for jobs that have regular 9 to 5 hours. Again, this point cannot be overemphasized. If you hate your job, the last thing you want is to have it encroach on your personal time. You don’t want to be working late hours or weekends. You are going to be miserable enough as it is! Why prolong the agony?

If you insist on applying for a job that you are bound to hate, go ahead and try my tips. But I have to tell you that I can think of one, and only one reason to set your cap for a job you hate. If you spend enough
time miserable at work, you will be able to really, truly appreciate the movie Office Space.

Brendan Cruickshank (Vice President of Client Services) – Brendan is a veteran of the online job search and recruiting industry, having spent the past 8 years in senior client services roles with major sites like Juju.com and JobsInTheMoney.com. He is quoted regularly as an expert in employment and jobs trends in major media outlets like the Washington Post, US News & World Report, and Forbes and has spoken at recruiting industry events such as Onrec and Kennedy Information’s Corporate Recruiting Conference.

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