FREE BOOK OFFER: Losing Control, Finding Serenity
Book Reviews April 4th, 2011How the Need to Control Hurts Us And How to Let It Go
Author: Daniel A. Miller
COMMENT TO WIN THIS BOOK!
First of all, I was very happy to receive a copy of this book from the publisher and by my own mistake, I ended up receiving two from them. So, I would like to offer the second copy I have for free to one of my readers. To be eligible, I am going to draw from the first 10 commenters who leave an example of how letting go of control either helps them or how holding onto it has hindered them. I’ll send the free copy of the book to you after drawing the winner!
The book itself covers the topic of control thoroughly and specific the problems of trying to control the people and events around you. Its evident now almost everyone faces these challenges at varying levels and quite likely, you will have a lot to learn from the life experience of the author, Daniel Miller. The two most powerful messages from this are:
- Accepting What Is
- Addressing Our Fear
Accepting What Is
There are many problems with how much and how often people feel they need to control situations. Acceptance replaces that compulsion and puts the focus on ourselves instead of desire to change others and uncontrollable circumstances. This acceptance in life drives a peace within yourself and state of mind that lets you connect more easily with others without the burdens and stresses we create by feeling we can control it. Miller provides many ideas and suggestions on how a person can start to accept things openly. Questioning the situations and impact of decision, examining what we get from seeking the control (which is usually nothing but stress), and by looking for what we can have in its place are all great methods to start the journey of easily accepting life as it comes. No mistake is made pretending it is easy, and I easily agree that it is not, it requires a mindset shift, beliefs and new habits to truly let acceptance become your norm but in the end it is well worth it and the serenity found in doing so makes life much easier to enjoy!
Addressing Our Fears
Strong emotions are quick to control overwhelm us and emotions such as anxiety, anger and fear pressure us to manipulate people and events to get what we think we need, control! Often this is done in situations where people are quick to decide they know what is best over other people and they close off consideration of what others may need or want for their own emotional driven desires. Many people let these fears infiltrate many aspects of their lives and the fears can dominate what they think and then consequently, how they behave. Fear quickly clouds judgment and can hard to detect and even harder to break free from. It does however, start by realizing the grip fear can have and then by finding ways to address it. Miller provides guidance here on confronting fears and how to learn to shift away from their controlling nature.
There are more controlling factors, not just fear and Miller covers these topics as well, although not as thoroughly:
- Anger / Resentment
- Avoidance
- Parenting Control
- Love Control
- Sports Control
- Work Control
- Creative Control
Final Thoughts
Overall, this is a great book. It’s really aimed at people who struggle with control in the first place and that is the only reason I didn’t enjoy it as much as many other reads. I don’t struggle with control at all, fears or not accepting life as it comes. Those things are easy for me now and while the advice in the book may not have applied, I can certainly see how I could have used it years ago when I did face more of those challenges. My experience in changing those aspects in my life and now easily having that serenity and peace, does however make it easy to recognize the value of this book and Miller’s techniques. The only difference that I have learned is really a new definition of control. With emotions out of the way affecting one’s life, I define control very differently now and it seems to me that true control of your life and ability to enjoy it and connect with others comes when you get to that state of serenity and don’t let negative emotions take over your life. In my mind, when negative emotions steer your behaviors, you have NO control whatsoever. The desire to control others as this book covers so well is true, but eventually the control comes back to yourself, your emotions and your reactions in life. Once you have that, in a way, it is not loosing control at all, but actually gaining control of what matters more in your life, your feelings, your connections and your reactions to circumstances. All that gives you more peace and serenity, and the control is in a completely different place, that’s all.
So, I think you will enjoy the book as well and it would be especially useful if you relate to another of those fears and negative emotions and feel out of control.
COMMENT TO WIN THIS BOOK!
Again, to win a free copy of this book, you need to comment below and leave an example of how letting go of control either helps you or how holding onto it has hindered you. I’ll send the free copy of the book to you after drawing the winner!
Prev: Taking On and Driving Change as a Leader
Next: Resources March 2011
April 4th, 2011 at 3:42 PM
Thanks for the opportunity Mike. I’d say for me its been a mixed bag. It really depends on the task or what it is I’ve been doing at the time. At times whenever I am in control everything seems to just go right but at other times it can hinder me for sure and I feel lost. I am definitely in control of my destiny in life but at times I wonder if I am steering the ship properly, and getting a nudge from someone helps.
Hope my comment didn’t confuse, lol.
-Jean
April 5th, 2011 at 12:05 AM
Hi Mike!
I am not commenting on this to get the book but i would like to ask you what makes this book different from the other one and why should i read it when i have so many on the list? Is there any action plan inside it? If not that give it to someone else because i don’t wanna waste my time reading a book that doesn’t help to uplift my life.
April 5th, 2011 at 9:29 PM
@Jean, thanks for the comment and example of control in your life.
@sudan, the book is full of actionable things but I can’t say there is a direct action plan. For something as personal as fears and control, an action plan just can’t be created without situational specifics so there would be no way to have a clear plan for any person. It is up to the reader to take from this book all the advice and apply the parts that make sense in your life and situation.
To be honest, reading a book should can always provide a number of actions from it if you have that mentality in reading it and wanting to learn from it and change. I understand as well you don’t want to waste time reading a bad book, but this is not that book and what you get out of this one is up to you as far as how much you are willing to apply. As for uplifting my life? If you need that, then this book can certainly help and I don’t know what other book you are referring to?
April 8th, 2011 at 12:28 AM
Hi Mike, I hope to have this book. I know it will be very helpful for me and for my business. Thanks! 🙂
April 13th, 2011 at 1:55 PM
I allow my emotions to control every part of my day from my relationships to how I manage a team of employees. It hinders my ability to listen and has caused anxiety, stress and weight loss. I need to learn to let things happen instead of trying to make them happen the way I want them to. It is a daily struggle.
April 13th, 2011 at 11:47 PM
Thanks for sharing the book mike. I would love to get a copy of it.
May 3rd, 2011 at 10:13 AM
hi
letting go has been of a vital importance for me bacause these last years i have been facing some rather not easy situations. But I learned that since i can’t do anything about what is beyond my control i hve to let go. And this helped and is still helping me.
Thanks for sharing
Tidiane
May 5th, 2013 at 5:47 AM
Hi,
This book sounds too good to be true. I would love to read it, learn from it and change my life for the better!
Thanks!
July 25th, 2013 at 2:58 AM
I have always had high expectations of other, especially in relationships. When these expectations aren’t met I get into a tornado of anxieties and discomfort. I would like to find out more about this book in order to put a stop to my control issues and hopefully, one day have a healthy, loving relationship.